MAY 17, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dueling Drama in the Texas Prairie. Impact: This low-rent 'High Noon' probably inspired future low-budget films, leading to an entire genre of 'not-so-great' Westerns that taught us all how to dodge bad acting.. Fact: Fun fact: 'High Noon' was actually a documentary about the scheduling conflicts of a Texas prairie town!.
• Headline: Drama Professor Sues Bennington College Over Dismissal. Impact: This case could have opened a Pandora's box for academic institutions, potentially leading to a world where professors are forced to take sensitivity training before discussing anything more controversial than 'The Great Gatsby.'. Fact: Did you know that the term 'drama professor' often comes with a side of melodrama? Just like reality TV, but with more existential crises!.
• Headline: Getting Through August When the Shrink's Away. Impact: If Murray had just taken a vacation instead, the entire family might have avoided therapy, potentially leading to a world where family dinners weren't just battlegrounds of passive-aggressive comments.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'shrink' doesn't actually refer to the size of your therapist's ego, but rather their ability to make your problems seem smaller?.
• Headline: Review/Film; A Sly Satire About a Mean Old Lady and Her Willing Victims. Impact: This sly satire likely influenced countless sitcoms and snarky comedies, leading to the proliferation of mean-spirited humor that we now see in every streaming service's catalog. Thanks, malicious old lady!. Fact: Did you know that the meaner the old lady in a film, the more likely she is to have a secret stash of cookies? It's a universal truth in cinema!.
• Headline: Pohl, as Expected, Says He Will Quit Bank Post. Impact: Pohl's resignation could have triggered a chain reaction in Europe's financial stability leading to an alternate timeline where Bitcoin was invented even earlier, and we all would have had to learn about crypto from our grandparents.. Fact: Did you know that the Bundesbank was once referred to as 'the bank that never sleeps'? They took it literally and hired a team of caffeinated squirrels to keep an eye on their operations!.