MAY 3, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring 'Living Or Dead, Too Good To Be True'. Impact: This film review led to a series of overly emotional ghost stories that somehow convinced a generation that crying over a specter is a valid form of therapy. Ghosts everywhere are now just waiting for their chance to be the next therapy influencer.. Fact: Did you know that if you cry hard enough over a fictional ghost, it might just haunt your dreams? That's what the critics are calling the new genre: 'Cinematic Haunting Therapy.'.
• Headline: Judicial Ruling on Scientific Misconduct Procedures. Impact: The judge’s decision to void these rules hilariously opened the floodgates for scientists to engage in all kinds of dubious activities, leading to a future where lab coats are the new black market attire. Who needs ethics when you've got 'mad scientist' chic?. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, this judge's ruling resulted in a reality TV show called 'Scientific Fraud: The Real Lab Rats'? It's a hit!.
• Headline: Retirement Communities; Ailing Development in Millbrook, N.Y., Gets Reprieve. Impact: This reprieve for the retirement community sparked a trend of elderly residents becoming real estate moguls, turning their retirement savings into a game of Monopoly where the winner gets to keep their home. The stakes have never been higher!. Fact: Did you know that many retirement communities are now offering 'Real Estate 101' classes? Because who needs bingo when you can flip houses?.
• Headline: Review/Film; Panning for Gold in 1950's Harlem, via Himes Novel. Impact: The film's depiction of 1950s Harlem unleashed a wave of retro nostalgia, leading to a bizarre resurgence of fedoras and jazz bands in modern-day coffee shops. Thanks to this review, you can now sip your latte while dressed like a time-traveler from the past.. Fact: Did you know that watching this film has been scientifically proven to increase your appreciation for jazz by 300%? Or at least that's what the hipsters say..
• Headline: Review/Film; Not Quite Dirty Harry, But No Joe Friday Either. Impact: The film's mixed reception led to a bizarre wave of sequels where police officers adopt orphans with increasingly ridiculous backstories. Expect 'Dirty Harry Goes to Space' to hit theaters in 2025.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'not quite Dirty Harry' is now used in Hollywood to describe all sequels that don't quite hit the mark? It's like the 'meh' of film reviews..
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Accounts. Impact: Xerox’s advertising account switch sparked a rivalry that led to the creation of the world’s first 'Copycat Awards'—an event where companies compete to see who can copy another's marketing strategies the best. The irony is delicious.. Fact: Did you know that the 'Copycat Awards' are held in a secret location, only revealed to the top executives? Rumor has it they serve only photocopied snacks..
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; People. Impact: The appointment of new management in advertising agencies led to a wild increase in quirky office perks, like mandatory nap times and dress-up days. Now, every Tuesday is 'Taco Tuesday' and 'Superhero Day' at the office!. Fact: Did you know that in the advertising world, becoming a vice president is just a fancy way of saying you get to pick the office snacks? That's where the real power lies!.