APRIL 23, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Stanford Faces Federal Funding Threat. Impact: Had Stanford simply embraced the instructor's avant-garde drug philosophy instead of risking federal funds, we might have seen a surge in 'educational' drug use across campuses, resulting in a generation of PhD holders who can eloquently discuss the merits of trippy experiences over traditional lectures. Perhaps the next Einstein would have also been a psychedelic guru.. Fact: The government has long been a fan of anti-drug policies, but who knew they were also in the business of policing educational philosophy? Maybe they think philosophy majors should just stick to discussing whether or not the chair exists..
• Headline: Tisch Family's Stake in Saatchi & Saatchi. Impact: This little investment tidbit about the Tisch family could have ignited a rivalry among investors that spiraled into a full-blown corporate soap opera, with board meetings turning into dramatic showdowns. Who would’ve thought stock investments could lead to such riveting plot twists?. Fact: CBS Inc. was once just a television network; now it’s a family affair! Maybe they should start selling family-sized popcorn for their board meetings..
• Headline: Media Business Advertising Updates. Impact: The appointment of these creative directors could have accidentally set off a chain reaction of over-the-top advertising campaigns, leading to absurdly creative Super Bowl commercials that make you question your life choices instead of enjoying the game.. Fact: Being named a senior vice president at an ad agency is basically the adult version of winning a gold star in kindergarten. Seriously, where’s the confetti?.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS; Four Agencies to Compete For Michelob Ad Business. Impact: If one of these agencies had succeeded in winning the Michelob account, it could have led to a sudden surge in beer-themed marketing strategies, resulting in the bizarre phenomenon of beer yoga and other questionable lifestyle choices. Cheers to that!. Fact: You know it's serious when beer companies are conducting ad agency auditions. Next thing you know, they'll be holding reality TV shows for the best marketing strategies—'Survivor: Ad Edition' could be a hit!.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Accounts. Impact: Leo Burnett’s comparative advertising screenings might have inspired future generations of advertisers to engage in increasingly bizarre product comparisons, which could have led to an era of commercials pitting cats against vacuum cleaners in epic battles. Who doesn’t love a good feline showdown?. Fact: Comparative advertising is the only place where it's acceptable to point out your competitor's flaws while simultaneously trying to sell your own product. It's like a roast, but for brands!.
• Headline: THE MEDIA BUSINESS: ADVERTISING -- ADDENDA; Leo Burnett Makes the Case For the Comparative Method.