APRIL 7, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: On-the-Job Parent Conferences Initiative. Impact: This innovative approach to parent conferences not only improved communication between schools and families but also set off a chain reaction of working parents inventing all sorts of bizarre excuses to avoid actually attending school events. Who knew that the 'cat's birthday' could become a legitimate excuse?. Fact: Did you know that if you combined all the hours parents spend in conferences, you could power a small city? Just kidding, but isn't it nice to think about?.
• Headline: Unveiling of Korean War Veterans Monument. Impact: The unveiling of this monument sparked a renewed interest in honoring veterans, leading to a global trend of erecting increasingly bizarre and elaborate monuments. Soon, people will start erecting obelisks for every minor achievement, like finally getting the last piece of the puzzle.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'obelisk' comes from the Greek word for 'spit'? It’s a fitting name for something that stands tall and proud but probably shouldn't be left unattended during a barbecue..
• Headline: Census Sees Changing Faces In the State's Urban Population. Impact: This census data prompted a slew of gentrification projects, which eventually led to coffee shops opening on every corner. The result? A sudden and inexplicable rise in the number of people who think they can write a novel while sipping overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that the Bon Ton bar was once the go-to spot for blue-collar workers? Now it's a trendy spot for hipsters who think they understand what 'working class' means—spoiler alert: they don't..
• Headline: UConn's Newest Hybrids: Farmers for the 90's. Impact: The rise of hybrid farmers led to an unexpected boom in organic produce sales, which eventually caused a nationwide shortage of kale. Who would have guessed that a 26-year-old's gardening hobby could turn into a kale apocalypse?. Fact: Did you know that UConn's farming programs are so advanced they can grow plants using only positive affirmations? 'You are a great tomato!' really does wonders!.
• Headline: DANCE; Measuring the Steps of a Giant. Impact: This tribute to a dance legend inspired a whole generation to take dance classes, leading to countless awkward family gatherings where Uncle Bob tries to bust a move. Thanks for the nightmares, dance community.. Fact: Did you know that dancing has been scientifically proven to improve mood? Just don't ask Uncle Bob to lead; it could end in disaster..
• Headline: Tribute to Black and Indian Whalers. Impact: By finally recognizing the contributions of Black and Indian whalers, this multimedia presentation sparked discussions about overlooked histories and led to a wider movement for inclusivity in historical narratives. Now if only we could get everyone to acknowledge the existence of pineapple on pizza.. Fact: Did you know that whaling was once considered a prestigious profession? Probably not the best conversation starter at dinner parties, though..
• Headline: Suffolk Moves To 2d Phase Of Buying Watersheds. Impact: The move to acquire watersheds spurred a national trend of environmental conservation efforts, leading to the rise of eco-warriors who will stop at nothing to save a single tree. Because, you know, that one tree is definitely more important than your car.. Fact: Did you know that property taxes are often calculated based on how much land you own? So technically, owning a tiny patch of land can make you a tax magnate in the eyes of your local government..