JANUARY 6, 1991

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unusual Images at Dowling College. Impact: This exhibition inspired countless hipsters to take pictures of their breakfast and call it art, leading to an explosion of brunch cafes and avocado toast worldwide. Thanks a lot, Anthony Giordano Gallery.. Fact: Did you know that 'The Constructed Image' was actually just a fancy way of saying 'we threw a bunch of stuff together and hoped it looked cool?'.
• Headline: Hollywood's Love Affair with Politics. Impact: This affair set off a chain reaction of political dramas in Hollywood, resulting in a never-ending cycle of biopics about politicians and a vast increase in the number of actors trying to run for office. Who knew being famous could lead to actual governance?. Fact: Did you know that the real reason Hollywood loves politics is because they can make it all look way more exciting than it actually is? Cue the dramatic music!.
• Headline: Teaching Kids Financial Responsibility. Impact: This resolution led to a generation of kids who are now overly obsessed with saving pennies, ultimately resulting in a shortage of coin-operated machines and a thriving black market for piggy banks.. Fact: Did you know that teaching kids about money is actually just a code for teaching them how to negotiate their allowance? Spoiler alert: it rarely works!.
• Headline: Corporations Pitch In to Aid Communities. Impact: This so-called 'corporate responsibility' trend was the butterfly that flapped its wings, causing companies to realize they could actually sell more products by pretending to care. The rise of philanthropic marketing was born.. Fact: Did you know that 'corporate responsibility' is often just a euphemism for 'let's make our shareholders feel better while we continue to profit off of everything?'.
• Headline: Pressure Is Building to Relax Zoning. Impact: The relaxing of zoning laws sparked a phenomenon where every homeowner suddenly thought they were an architect, leading to some truly questionable home renovations. Thanks for the creativity, Munsey Park!. Fact: Did you know that zoning laws are basically just the government's way of saying 'please, for the love of all that is holy, do not build a llama farm next to my house?'.
• Headline: IN THE NATURAL STATE. Impact: This poetic moment in nature could be traced back to the time when everyone decided to stop and smell the roses, or in this case, the oak leaves, causing a sudden spike in tree-hugging and environmental activism. Who knew a sunset could spark a revolution?. Fact: Did you know that the 'thin red scar' in the sky was actually just nature's way of reminding us that beauty exists? Or maybe it was just a plane leaving a contrail..
• Headline: New Jewish Seminary in Mt. Vernon. Impact: This new seminary sparked a surge in Orthodox Jewish leadership that would eventually lead to more interfaith dialogues. Who knew a drive from Maryland could change the face of religious education?. Fact: Did you know that Seth Gordon's commute could probably outlast his students' attention spans? The real test is whether he remembers his coffee on those early mornings!.