SEPTEMBER 16, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dining Out: Casablanca Inspired Cuisine. Impact: In a world where dining out is inspired by classic films, this restaurant will likely lead to a chain of places where patrons argue about who orders the best 'Casablanca' cocktail, ultimately resulting in a new global trend of cinematic dining. Fact: Fun fact: If you ask for a 'Casablanca' cocktail at Richard's Cafe Americain, they might just hand you a glass of water and tell you to watch the movie instead.
• Headline: Aid Group Musters Resources for Jordan Airlift. Impact: This airlift might have led to an influx of humanitarian efforts worldwide. Had Macauley not made those calls, we could be living in a reality where compassion is considered a rare commodity, like a vintage Beanie Baby. Fact: Did you know that Ronald Reagan once starred in a movie about air lifts? Oh wait, that was just his presidency—never mind.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY GUIDE. Impact: The Historic Car Festival could lead to a future where vintage cars are worshipped as sacred relics, sparking a cult-like following among car enthusiasts who believe they can communicate with the spirits of their engines. Fact: Did you know that cars from the 1920s never had seat belts? It was a simpler time, when 'car safety' was just a suggestion and survival was left up to the driver’s reflexes.
• Headline: More Early Retirement Plans Offered by Large Companies. Impact: The early retirement plans might have sparked a nationwide trend where employers begin to offer 'forced leisure' as a perk, leading to an economy where everyone is just lounging around in their pajamas watching Netflix. Fact: Did you know that early retirement plans often come with a side of regret? Because nothing says 'I made it' like realizing you have no idea what to do with all that free time.
• Headline: From 93 Students to 7,000: Iona Celebrates Its 50th Year. Impact: Iona's growth from 93 students to 7,000 could inspire other institutions to create bizarre marketing campaigns claiming that attending their school is like a 'once-in-a-lifetime opportunity'—which it is if you never plan to graduate. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more unlikely than Iona's growth is the number of students who actually read the fine print on their student loans.
• Headline: DANCE; New Recognition for Denishawn Troupe. Impact: The recognition for the Denishawn Troupe could lead to a renaissance of modern dance, resulting in a future where every street corner has breakdancers and interpretive dancers fighting for attention. Fact: Did you know that modern dance was created to express feelings? Yep, that’s why you often see people flailing around on stage—it’s all about emotions, folks!.