AUGUST 12, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: Controversies of Maj. Gen. Charles Lee. Impact: The conviction of Maj. Gen. Charles Lee set off a chain reaction that led to the phrase 'cowardice on the battlefield' becoming a popular insult in future military circles. Thanks, Charles, for ruining the reputation of generals everywhere, one battle at a time.. Fact: Charles Lee's cowardice was so infamous that it inspired future generations of soldiers to try extra hard not to be seen as 'that guy' in the history books..
• Headline: The Art of Infant Massage Workshop. Impact: The rise of infant massage techniques led to the eventual invention of 'baby yoga,' which paved the way for the modern trend of adults doing ridiculous stretches in public parks while pretending they’re still connected to their inner child.. Fact: Studies show that infants are less likely to be calmed by the soothing sounds of a Balinese lullaby than by their parents frantically Googling 'how to stop a baby from crying.'.
• Headline: Westchester County High School Marching Band. Impact: The excitement around the Westchester County High School Marching Band sparked a nationwide movement of high school bands, leading to countless awkward performances and a whole generation convinced they could be the next big thing in music.. Fact: Dr. Frank Gray's enthusiasm for the band has been credited with inspiring countless future band directors, who now spend their lives yelling at kids to 'play louder' and 'stop messing around.'.
• Headline: Your Own Account; Estates: Foiling the Tax Man. Impact: The staggering $7 trillion in estates led to the invention of the phrase 'trust fund baby,' which has since been used to describe anyone with a checkbook and a penchant for avocado toast.. Fact: If all the money in senior citizens' estates were laid end to end, it would reach from here to the nearest retirement home. And they say money can't buy happiness!.
• Headline: For Him, It's Always Howdy Doody Time. Impact: Burt Dubrow's obsession with Howdy Doody set the stage for future generations to become addicted to mindless television, leading to the rise of reality TV and the undeniable question: 'What have we done to ourselves?'. Fact: Howdy Doody was so popular that it made kids forget about going outside, which some argue is where the sunburn epidemic began. Thanks, television!.
• Headline: With Mandatory Recycling on the Way, One Company's Trash Is Another's Profit. Impact: The trend of mandatory recycling inspired a generation of entrepreneurs to create bizarre businesses, like 'trash art' and 'upcycled fashion,' changing how we view junk forever. Who knew garbage could be so chic?. Fact: Dianne Siebolt’s small mountain of paper was later discovered to be the first prototype for what would become the world's largest paper mache project. Sustainability at its finest!.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY OPINION; New Puppy? We Needed This.. Impact: The puppy trend set off a chain reaction of pet ownership, leading to an explosion of 'paw-ternity leave' policies in workplaces. Because nothing says 'dedication' like taking time off to raise a furball.. Fact: Diane Sawyer and Sam Donaldson's new puppies were responsible for more ratings boost than any political debate in history. Who needs news when you have puppies?.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY GUIDE. Impact: The Haggard Concert became a cultural touchstone, leading to an era of artists who could barely stay awake long enough to finish a set, thus revolutionizing the music industry into a sleepy mess.. Fact: Haggard's performances have since been attributed to the rise of 'chill music,' which is basically just a fancy term for taking a nap while listening to melodies..