JULY 31, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: Richard G. Darman's Injurious Fall. Impact: If Richard G. Darman hadn't taken that fateful tumble, who knows? Maybe the Office of Management and Budget would have faced a different fiscal year. Or maybe he would have gone on to accidentally fund a bizarre government project involving inflatable unicorns. We'll never know, thanks to wet steps.. Fact: Did you know that wet steps are just the universe's way of reminding us that gravity still works? In this case, it worked a bit too well..
• Headline: Richard Widmark's Lawn Mower Incident. Impact: Ah, the infamous lawn mower showdown. Had Richard Widmark emerged victorious, perhaps he would have taken on the fight against garden gnomes next. Instead, his battle with the mower sent shockwaves through the lawn care community, inspiring a new wave of anti-mower activism.. Fact: Fun fact: Lawn mowers are the leading cause of foot injuries in suburban America. But hey, who needs toes when you have an immaculate lawn, right?.
• Headline: Elie Wiesel Honored at Connecticut College. Impact: Elie Wiesel's new chair of Judaic studies means that future generations will have a place to study his teachings. However, it also inadvertently led to a rise in college students finding creative excuses to take naps during lectures—because who wouldn’t want to snooze in a 'chair' named after a Nobel laureate?. Fact: Did you know that Wiesel once said, 'The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference'? So, if you ever feel indifferent about your studies, just remember you're not quite achieving peak Wiesel!.