JULY 15, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: Summer Graduation Celebration Insights. Impact: Little did that high school graduate know that his early departure would lead to a nationwide trend of summer graduations, resulting in a massive surplus of sunscreen sales and a shortage of caps and gowns in June. Schools would eventually have to hire 'Graduation Planners' just to keep up.. Fact: Did you know that graduating a year early is just a fancy way of saying 'I can't wait to get out of here?'.
• Headline: The 90's Capital Market Tensions. Impact: The 90s conflict over scarce capital set the stage for the rise of questionable investment schemes and the birth of the infamous 'dot-com bubble.' Investors later learned that just because you can put a website on a business card doesn't mean it's a good idea.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Scarce capital' is what your wallet says every time you leave a bar..
• Headline: Life-Saving Advances in Cardiac Surgery. Impact: This cardiac surgery unit's struggle could be seen as a precursor to the rise of medical reality TV shows. If they had failed, we might never have had the pleasure of watching doctors perform surgery while discussing their weekend plans.. Fact: Did you know that balloon catheters are basically the medical equivalent of those inflatable pool toys? Fun until they pop!.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND OPINION; Take the Profits and Run. Impact: The homeowners' plight sparked a nationwide trend of real estate 'success' stories that ultimately led to the invention of the phrase, 'I made a killing in real estate,' right before the market crash. Many are still trying to figure out if that was a compliment or a warning.. Fact: Did you know that some homeowners still believe their houses appreciate in value faster than they do? Spoiler alert: They don't..
• Headline: Lilco and Suffolk Differ on Court Ruling. Impact: The legal wranglings of Lilco and Suffolk set a precedent for confusing court rulings that would inspire countless courtroom dramas on television. Future generations would face the eternal question: 'Is this based on a true story, or just a writer's bad day?'. Fact: Funny how a $390 million settlement sounds like a lot of money until you consider it’s just a fraction of what lawyers make in fees..
• Headline: Private Beach Clubs Bring Neighbors Together. Impact: The formation of beach clubs may have inadvertently led to the rise of the 'exclusive beach body' culture, culminating in the inevitable Instagram influencer phenomenon. Who knew a community could spawn a decade of people taking selfies with their lattes on the sand?. Fact: Did you know that beach clubs are essentially just adult playgrounds? Except instead of swings, you have overpriced cocktails..
• Headline: NEW JERSEY OPINION; Will You Turn That Mower Off?. Impact: The suburban quest for peace and quiet ironically resulted in the birth of a new noise: lawnmowers. This led to 'mower wars,' where neighbors would compete for the title of 'Best Lawn' in a competition that has yet to be officially recognized by any governing body.. Fact: Did you know that the sound of a lawnmower is just suburbia's way of saying, 'Congratulations on your mediocre life choices?'.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND OPINION; Worship With Me At a Sacred Shrine. Impact: The rise of this 'sacred shrine' religion would inspire a new wave of faux-religious movements, with people worshipping everything from avocado toast to artisanal coffee. It’s a slippery slope from shrines to Instagram altars.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more sacred than a protected religion is a protected recipe for Grandma's secret sauce..
• Headline: Single-Parent Families Sharing Their Homes. Impact: The sharing of homes among single-parent families became a hit, leading to the creation of reality TV shows where single moms and dads navigate life with roommates, showing the world that chaos can be charming, especially when there’s a camera involved.. Fact: Did you know that sharing homes is just a modern twist on 'It takes a village'? Except now, the village comes with Wi-Fi..
• Headline: ART; Mixing Sunlight and Shadow. Impact: The popularity of American Impressionist paintings sparked a national obsession with 'pretty' art, leading to an explosion of pastel color schemes in living rooms everywhere. Who knew that a few brush strokes could dictate home decor for decades?. Fact: Did you know that Impressionist paintings are like the coffee of the art world? They look better when you're slightly caffeinated and squinting..