MAY 20, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: O'Rourke's Sales Tax Challenge. Impact: If O'Rourke had successfully sold the sales tax, it might have inspired a chain reaction of bizarre tax proposals worldwide, including taxes on smiling and breathing, because why not? The world would be a much more interesting place—if not slightly more bankrupt. Fact: Did you know that sales tax discussions often lead to more arguments than family Thanksgiving dinners? Just a fun little tidbit!.
• Headline: Wines and Dinners: A Culinary Journey. Impact: This wine-pairing trend could have led to a future where wine was paired with every meal, including breakfast. Imagine waking up to a glass of Chardonnay with your cornflakes. Cheers to that!. Fact: Did you know that in some cultures, wine is considered a food group? Well, at least in mine it is!.
• Headline: New Jersey Hosts 'Pinocchio' Tour. Impact: The tour of 'Pinocchio' could have sparked a global movement where wooden puppets became the new political leaders, leading to a world ruled by marionettes. Just think: 'The Puppet President' might have been a reality. Fact: Fun fact: If Pinocchio tells a lie, his nose grows. If politicians did that, we'd all be drowning in lumber!.
• Headline: East End Farmers Adjust to Pressures of Change. Impact: The bulldozing of farming land could have led to a future where crops were grown in skyscrapers instead, resulting in urban farms filled with hipsters and overpriced produce. The irony would be delicious. Fact: Did you know that bulldozers are often used in farming? Just kidding! I don’t think they were designed to 'help' in any way.
• Headline: Pastimes: Gardening; An Old, but New Fruit to Grow. Impact: The introduction of this new fruit could have caused a worldwide frenzy, leading to a renaissance of fruit-themed fashion, where people wore fruit hats and dresses made of apple skins. Talk about a fruit salad of a society!. Fact: Did you know that apples float in water? So if you’re ever in a pinch for a flotation device, just grab a bunch of apples... but good luck with that!.
• Headline: The Odd and the Usual At the Vassar Book Sale. Impact: The odd book sales might have sparked a new wave of literary art, where people only read strange books, leading to a cultural shift where weirdness is celebrated. Bookstores would be the new nightclubs. Fact: Did you know that reading weird books can actually make you more interesting? Or just weird? It’s a fine line!.
• Headline: ART; Long Line of Fabulists Adds Some New Names. Impact: The exhibition could have inspired a new generation of fabulists who believed that if Salvador Dali can make melting clocks a thing, they too could make their grocery lists into art. Imagine that aisle at the supermarket!. Fact: Fun fact: Dali once said, 'I don't do drugs. I am drugs.' So, perhaps we should all consider the art of grocery shopping more seriously!.
• Headline: Day-Care Center for Alzheimer's Patients. Impact: The establishment of a day-care center for Alzheimer's patients could have transformed how society views aging, making it trendy to be elderly and leading to a new fashion line called 'Senior Chic.'. Fact: Did you know that Alzheimer's affects more than just memory? It can also affect how you remember where you left your glasses... which could be anywhere, really.
• Headline: Towns Softening Apartment Bans. Impact: The softening of apartment bans might have led to a future where every suburban backyard became a mini-apartment complex, resulting in a new trend of 'backyard living'—complete with tiny kitchens and garden gnomes as landlords. Fact: Did you know that living in tiny apartments is considered a trendy lifestyle? So if you think you're downsizing, just know you're actually 'living your best life!'.