FEBRUARY 18, 1990

Full News Archive

• Headline: Compassionate Lending on Long Island. Impact: This compassionate mortgage lending could have led to an influx of homeowners embracing their inner philanthropists, ultimately creating a world where everyone is either a homeowner or a wannabe equity lender. Who knew mortgages could spark a revolution of niceness?. Fact: Did you know that equity lending is not just about money? It's also about creating awkward conversations at family gatherings about why you can't pay your mortgage on time!.
• Headline: Motifs and Montage: Artists Showcase. Impact: The success of these four artists could have led to a worldwide shortage of art critics who can only use the word 'unique' to describe everything. Art appreciation? More like art confusion!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'art is subjective' was originally coined by someone trying to escape a conversation about their friend's terrible paintings?.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND OPINION; I Don't Feel or Look My Age. So What?. Impact: This age-defying sentiment might have led to an entire generation refusing to come to terms with their actual age, causing a massive increase in anti-aging cream sales and an uptick in midlife crises involving sports cars.. Fact: Did you know that feeling young is scientifically proven to improve your mood? Just don't check your driver's license!.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY GUIDE. Impact: The organ being the star of the show might have led to an explosion of awkward organ jokes, ultimately resulting in a worldwide movement to save the organs from being the punchline of every musical event.. Fact: Did you know that organs are like the hidden gems of music? They’re often overshadowed by the more glamorous guitars and pianos, but they really know how to make a grand entrance!.
• Headline: MUSIC; Italian Soprano to Join State Opera's 'Butterfly'. Impact: The addition of Adriana Maliponte to the opera scene could have caused a massive increase in opera attendance, with everyone suddenly claiming they were 'always into opera' during the dinner party conversation.. Fact: Did you know that 'Madama Butterfly' is not about actual butterflies? Just in case you were thinking of bringing a net to the performance!.
• Headline: When State's Ombudsman Steps In. Impact: The ombudsman's intervention likely inspired countless bureaucratic nightmares, leading to the creation of an entire subgenre of horror stories revolving around paperwork and waiting on hold.. Fact: Did you know that navigating bureaucracy is basically a rite of passage? It's like a scavenger hunt, only instead of prizes, you get paperwork and a headache!.
• Headline: Couple's 2d Career Is Caring for Wildlife. Impact: This couple’s wildlife career could have inspired an entire generation of people to adopt pets under the delusion that they could also become wildlife caregivers. Spoiler: they can’t.. Fact: Did you know that adopting a wild animal is like adopting a toddler? They won't listen, will make a mess, and expect you to feed them at least three meals a day!.