DECEMBER 24, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolution in Satellite Communications. Impact: The rise of satellite communication led to an explosion of cat videos and conspiracy theories being shared globally. If those dishes hadn’t sold, we might have never known about the secret lizard people living among us. Fact: Did you know that if we placed all the satellite dishes sold since this article, they would form a giant metallic sculpture of a cat? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a sight!.
• Headline: Horne Concert for Young Singers. Impact: This concert inspired a generation of young singers, leading to the rise of countless karaoke nights and the inevitable resurgence of '80s ballads in public spaces. Thanks, Marilyn Horne, for the earworms!. Fact: Fun fact: if you play 'My Heart Will Go On' at a karaoke bar, approximately 73% of people will join in, regardless of their vocal abilities. You're welcome!.
• Headline: WHAT'S NEW IN SATELLITES; A More Reliable Link For Computer Networks. Impact: Improved satellite links allowed for the rise of remote work, leading to pajama pants becoming a standard office attire. A true revolution in professional fashion!. Fact: If you connect all the truck stops eliminated by satellite technology, you’d create a direct route to the nearest diner. Because who doesn’t need more pancakes in their life?.
• Headline: Social Life of Single Professionals. Impact: Dr. Susan Gunduz’s social life became a case study in 'how to find love in the age of awkward dinner parties', resulting in a slew of self-help books and unsuccessful blind dates. Fact: Did you know that being single at a party is like being a lone sock in the laundry? Everyone's just waiting for you to find your match!.
• Headline: WHAT'S NEW IN SATELLITES; Tracking the Movement of Planes and Trucks. Impact: The tracking of vehicles led to the rise of delivery apps, which eventually resulted in the invention of the phrase 'I’ll be there in 10 minutes' becoming a universal lie. Fact: The satellites used for tracking trucks could technically track your ex, but we wouldn’t recommend it. Let’s just move on, shall we?.
• Headline: ART; Still Lifes, Delicately Perceived by a Camera. Impact: Dency Kane’s still lifes paved the way for Instagram influencers to turn their meals into art. Who knew fruit and veggies would become the new Louvre?. Fact: Fun fact: Still lifes are the only genre where you can literally take your time to appreciate the art. No one’s rushing you to finish that apple!.
• Headline: DINING OUT Attractive Atmosphere in a New Hotel. Impact: This hotel dining review launched a thousand Yelp accounts, forever changing the way we judge food—because nothing says gourmet like a photo of a plate with a filter. Fact: Did you know that restaurant owners believe every review should be written with a side of humility? Well, that’s cute!.
• Headline: As Stress Rises for College Students, Counseling Centers Try to Keep Pace. Impact: The increase in demand for college counseling services led to a nationwide movement for mental health awareness, proving that even students can get their acts together… eventually. Fact: It’s said that college students are like cats: they seem aloof, but deep down, they just want love and someone to help them with their existential crises.