NOVEMBER 10, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Journey of Terminal Hope. Impact: If this lawyer had just stayed in the hospital, perhaps he would have discovered the cure for all terminal illnesses, leading to a world where everyone lives forever and nobody knows how to deal with their taxes.. Fact: Did you know that running from a hospital in an ambulance is a great way to build a career as a stunt double? Just ask this lawyer!.
• Headline: Family Portrait: A Small Town Tale. Impact: This film likely inspired countless small-town folks to realize their lives are just as boring as they thought, leading to the invention of reality TV and a long-lasting obsession with watching paint dry.. Fact: Fun fact: Small town dramas are often just the same three arguments recycled with different accents..
• Headline: Monster Battles Evil at Apocalypse Inc.. Impact: By the monster choosing corporate America, we inadvertently set off a chain reaction that resulted in every monster getting a 401k, which led to the downfall of traditional horror movies. Thanks a lot, Apocalypse Inc.. Fact: Did you know that monsters in the workplace are often more productive than your average office worker? They bring a certain 'intimidation' factor!.
• Headline: BUSINESS PEOPLE; Harry Gray to Lead American Medical. Impact: Harry Gray's ascension to leadership created a corporate culture where the more acronyms you have, the more powerful you are, which eventually led to the invention of 'Corporate Speak'—the language no one understands.. Fact: Did you know that the secret to a successful business is to sound busy while doing absolutely nothing? Harry Gray must have written the manual!.
• Headline: Review/Film; Little Bitty Extraterrestrials And Their Jolly Chosen One. Impact: The turgid plot and Halloween costumes of this film indirectly led to the rise of cosplay conventions, where people dress as their favorite poorly written characters, resulting in an entire industry of overpriced wigs and bad makeup.. Fact: Fun fact: The real aliens are the ones who got dressed up for this film; they were just trying to blend in with the locals!.
• Headline: Brazil-Chile Incident Still a Mystery to FIFA. Impact: The flare incident could have changed the rules of soccer forever, possibly sparking a new trend where flares are used as substitutes for red cards, leading to chaos on the field and a rise in flare-related injuries.. Fact: Did you know that flares are just like bad referees? They both light up the field but usually make things worse!.