OCTOBER 3, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Oakland Athletics' Unmatched Pitching Strength. Impact: The Oakland Athletics' elbow-bashing prowess not only led to multiple pennants but also inspired a generation of athletes to take up obscure sports like competitive elbow-bashing, eventually resulting in an Olympic event that nobody knew they needed. Who knew a simple swing could have such catastrophic implications for athletic balance?. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'elbow-bashing' was originally coined during a particularly rowdy family Thanksgiving dinner..
• Headline: Bronx Random Shooting Arrest. Impact: The arrest of the suspect in this random killing set off a chain reaction of heightened security measures across urban areas. The resulting paranoia led to the invention of the 'Panic Button'—now used by every over-caffeinated parent and tech company employee alike, making our society both safer and more anxious.. Fact: Did you know that 'random killings' is actually a euphemism for 'the worst game of hide and seek ever?'.
• Headline: Sports World Unites for Hugo Relief. Impact: Senator Strom Thurmond's idea for football-related aid during Hurricane Hugo not only helped victims but also led to the inception of 'charity football games'—a concept that would eventually spiral into a multi-billion dollar industry of selling t-shirts for causes nobody remembers.. Fact: Ironically, while football is a beloved sport in South Carolina, the state is still waiting for a game where players can actually keep their helmets on while discussing disaster relief..