AUGUST 20, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Wildwood's Vibrant Culture. Impact: The guide to Wildwood sparked an influx of tourists, leading to a population boom that eventually resulted in the invention of the world's first beach umbrella that doubles as a sunblock dispenser, because, you know, who needs sunscreen when you have a 10-foot shade structure?. Fact: Did you know that Wildwood is known for its boardwalk? It's basically a catwalk for seagulls showcasing their best dive-bombing techniques for your French fries..
• Headline: Travel Bookshelf: Kids & Israel's Museums. Impact: The series about kids' activities in Israel's museums inadvertently ignited a new wave of traveling parents who thought it was a great idea to take toddlers on long flights, leading to an international shortage of earplugs.. Fact: Did you know that museums often have more art than kids have patience? Just wait until they see the 'no touching' signs..
• Headline: Planetarium Explores Love of Moon. Impact: Larry Brown's love of the moon inspired a generation of astronomers who mistakenly thought they could become astronauts by simply watching too many space movies. Now we have a whole generation who think they can moonwalk.. Fact: Did you know that the moon is more than just a big rock? It's also a massive nightlight for werewolves!.
• Headline: Bush and Cuomo Firm on Shoreham. Impact: The meeting about the Shoreham nuclear plant led to a series of convoluted energy policies that ultimately resulted in an underground market for glow-in-the-dark vegetables. 'Eat your greens' took on a whole new meaning.. Fact: Fun fact: Nuclear energy is so popular, they even have a fan club. Spoiler alert: It's full of people who love to 'light up' a conversation..
• Headline: DINING OUT; Continental Fare With Italian Influence. Impact: The rebranding of Perretti's to Pratos led to a culinary revolution where all restaurants started using fancy Italian names, causing confusion when diners asked for 'a side of spaghetti with their sushi.'. Fact: Did you know that 'Pratos' means 'meadows'? So, congratulations, you're now dining in a field of dreams—where the dreams are made of pasta..
• Headline: Playwright Gets Her Act Together. Impact: Marsha Norman getting her act together inspired a whole movement of playwrights who decided that self-help books were now the primary source of dramatic tension. 'To be or not to be' became 'To read or not to read.'. Fact: Fun fact: The Pulitzer Prize is like the Oscars for writers, but instead of red carpets, they walk on piles of manuscripts..
• Headline: Coming Out of Shadows, Torture Victims Are Finding Help. Impact: New Jersey becoming a haven for torture victims led to an unprecedented rise in therapy center openings, which eventually resulted in a nationwide shortage of comfy couches. The horror!. Fact: Did you know that therapy is basically just paying someone to listen to your problems? It's like a really expensive friend who can't eat your snacks..
• Headline: ART; Reality and Illusion, Those Old Antagonists. Impact: The exhibition on reality and illusion led to a nationwide existential crisis where art students began questioning if anything ever truly existed, especially their bank accounts.. Fact: Did you know that art is subjective? Which is just a fancy way of saying, 'I don't get it, but I like it because it looks expensive.'.