AUGUST 13, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discovering New Jersey's Clearwater Festival. Impact: This guide was the catalyst for a series of misguided road trips through New Jersey, leading to the formation of the 'New Jersey Tourist Appreciation Society', which ironically only meets in New York. Fact: Did you know that New Jersey is known as the 'Garden State'? Just don't expect to find any actual gardens amid the highways and diners.
• Headline: Exploring Contemporary Landscape Art. Impact: This art exhibit not only clarified landscape themes but also inadvertently led to an explosion of Instagram influencers claiming to be landscape artists, forever altering the course of social media aesthetics. Fact: Did you know the Impressionists were so named because they painted 'impressions' of landscapes? Kind of like how modern artists just take pictures of their lunch and call it 'food art.'.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND SOUND; In Today's World, It's Shape Up or Ship Out. Impact: This announcement sparked a nationwide fitness craze, leading to a strange era where people jogged obsessively, only to realize they missed the whole point of walking: not looking ridiculous in spandex. Fact: Did you know that walking is the least traumatic form of exercise? Which is why you’ll see more people walking to the fridge than running a marathon.
• Headline: Measles Cases Prompt a Campaign. Impact: The measles outbreak not only prompted vaccination campaigns but also instigated a public backlash against anti-vaccine sentiments, leading to a society where doctors have to explain science like it's a magic trick. Fact: Did you know that measles can be so contagious that just being in the same room as an infected person can put you at risk? Talk about a party crasher!.
• Headline: JERSEYANA. Impact: This nostalgic look back caused many to overlook the present, leading to a resurgence of interest in ferries, which became the hottest new trend in transportation, right until they got stuck in traffic with the rest of the state. Fact: Did you know that Hoboken was once the place to be for summer fun? Now it's more famous for its coffee than its waterfront—talk about a downgrade!.
• Headline: Getting Into the Swing of Baseball. Impact: This moment led to the rise of baseball coaching as a legitimate career, eventually giving birth to the phenomenon of parents living vicariously through their kids' little league games, complete with over-the-top cheering and dramatic snacks. Fact: Did you know that baseball is the only sport that can put a person to sleep faster than watching paint dry? Try it sometime!.
• Headline: MUSIC; Campers Write an Opera. Impact: This innovative project not only encouraged creativity among campers but also set off a wave of amateur operas, leading to a future where backyard performances become the norm—complete with enthusiastic yet tone-deaf neighbors clapping along. Fact: Did you know that opera was originally meant to be a serious art form? Now it’s just a bunch of dramatic people singing about heartbreak and pasta!.
• Headline: L.I., Growth Years Over, Looking Beyond Defense. Impact: The job loss announcement triggered a mass exodus of residents looking for new opportunities, eventually leading to a shortage of bagel shops in the area, proving that a lack of jobs can truly affect one's breakfast options. Fact: Did you know that job loss can be a catalyst for creativity? Just look at how many people suddenly found their passion for making artisanal soaps in their basements!.