JULY 21, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Flushing's Growing Luxury Condo Market. Impact: The rise of luxury condos in Flushing leads to a real estate bubble that makes everyone forget what affordable housing even means. This eventually causes an uprising of hipsters who start squatting in public parks, declaring them 'affordable living spaces.'. Fact: Did you know that Flushing was once famous for its vast farms? Now, it’s just famous for being a fancy parking lot for overpriced buildings. Progress, right?.
• Headline: Teen Adventures in Myrtle Beach, 1963. Impact: The film's release inspires a generation of teens to embrace their inner beach bums, paving the way for the surf rock movement that ultimately leads to a spike in sales for sunscreen and flip-flops. Who knew melanoma could be so trendy?. Fact: Fun fact: 'Shag' is not just a dance but also what you'll be doing when you realize how little plot there is in this film. It's like watching paint dry, but with more sand..
• Headline: Texas Group Bids $425 Million for I.C.H.. Impact: This bid sets off a chain reaction of corporate buyouts that eventually leads to a dystopian future where every company is owned by three people in Texas who just happen to have a passion for barbecue and leveraged buyouts. Welcome to the future!. Fact: You know, I.C.H. stands for 'Incredible Cash Hungry.' It’s just a coincidence, but it perfectly sums up corporate America’s love language..