JULY 2, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Jersey's Fourth of July Celebration. Impact: If New Brunswick hadn't celebrated the 200th anniversary of the French Revolution with fireworks, who knows? Maybe the French would still be waiting patiently for their revolution to take off. That, or they’d just have a lot more pastries and less drama in their history. Fact: Did you know that fireworks were originally invented to scare away evil spirits? So, in essence, New Jersey is just trying to keep the ghosts of the French Revolution at bay with some good old-fashioned explosives.
• Headline: Demand for Workers' Leave in New Jersey. Impact: This opinion piece about workers' leave might have inadvertently set off a chain reaction resulting in everyone suddenly realizing that work-life balance is a thing. Thanks, New Jersey! Now we have people asking for PTO instead of just living at the office. Fact: Fun fact: The American dream is now more like the American 'let's just survive another day'—but hey, at least we’ve got great coffee!.
• Headline: Romantic Dining at Capriccio. Impact: This romantic dining spot may have sparked a nationwide trend where couples would choose scenic views over actual conversation. The result? More awkward silences and Instagram posts than ever before!. Fact: Did you know that romantic dinners are often required by law to have at least one awkward moment? It's a tradition that dates back to the invention of the candlelit dinner!.
• Headline: Altering the Hamptons Look. Impact: Alastair Gordon’s musings on Hamptons architecture might have inspired a generation of Instagram influencers to start calling their living rooms 'sanctuaries' and charging rent for photoshoots. Thanks, Alastair!. Fact: Fun fact: Architectural critics are often just frustrated poets who couldn't find the right words for their own homes!.
• Headline: MUSIC; Educating Audience Is Festival's Goal. Impact: This festival’s educational goals may have sparked a massive wave of 'classical music appreciation' courses across the nation, leading to a generation of hipsters trying to explain why Beethoven is cooler than your average pop star. Fact: Fun fact: Most classical music was actually composed to keep people from talking during dinner. It’s the original 'please be quiet' playlist!.
• Headline: A Life Taken, a Town's Illusion Lost. Impact: The tragic event that took place in a once-peaceful town may have set off a nationwide campaign for better safety measures, leading to stricter laws, neighborhood watch programs, and an increase in nosy neighbors everywhere. Thanks, Albert Einstein’s former neighborhood!. Fact: The irony? Einstein was all about relativity, but not so much about the relativity of feeling safe in your own home.
• Headline: A Formidable Challenge: Conquering the Fear of Snakes. Impact: Bill Perron's snake humor might have accidentally created a new subculture of snake enthusiasts who now think it’s perfectly normal to chat with their 13-foot boa constrictor while on a conference call. The future is wild!. Fact: Did you know that boa constrictors can actually sense their owners' heartbeats? So if you’re ever feeling down, just remember: your snake probably feels your pain too!.
• Headline: IN THE NATURAL STATE. Impact: This nostalgic journey likely led to a wave of mid-life crises, with people suddenly feeling the need to revisit their childhood homes and realize that nothing looks as good as it did 30 years ago. Oh, how the memory can deceive!. Fact: Did you know that nostalgia is just your brain’s way of tricking you into thinking you were cooler in the past? Spoiler alert: You probably weren’t.