APRIL 8, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the Sounds of Future Dystopia. Impact: Little did the filmmakers know that all those grunts and roars would inspire countless memes and a new genre of ASMR videos. Imagine a future where people find comfort in the sounds of urban chaos. Thanks, cinema!. Fact: Did you know that 'grunts, roars, and screams' is also the sound of my inner monologue during a family dinner?.
• Headline: Nacco Industries Acquires Hyster Company. Impact: Nacco's acquisition of Hyster set off a chain reaction of mergers and acquisitions that would eventually lead to a world where forklifts are revered as the unsung heroes of industrial efficiency. Bow down to your heavy-lifting overlords!. Fact: Did you know that 'Hyster' is just a fancy way of saying 'the sound I make when I realize I forgot my lunch'?.
• Headline: Your Money; Betting on Future Of Interest Rates. Impact: This article's examination of interest rates helped kick off a never-ending cycle of financial advisors using jargon to confuse people into thinking they need their services. Thanks for the economic anxiety, guys!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing less predictable than interest rates is my ability to stick to a budget. It's a real talent!.