MARCH 30, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Boil That Spoke: A Unique Festival. Impact: If only this adman had gotten therapy instead of a talking boil, we might have avoided the rise of reality TV—thank you, 'Celebrity Boil Battle' for ruining our lives!. Fact: Did you know that talking boils are still less annoying than most of your relatives during family gatherings?.
• Headline: New Diarrhea Treatments Emerging. Impact: The battle against diarrhea has led to the invention of various products, some of which are likely responsible for the rise of bathroom selfies. Thanks a lot, pharmaceuticals!. Fact: Fun fact: the average American is said to spend 92 days of their life on the toilet. So, forget about your bucket list—it's time to embrace the throne!.
• Headline: Loral's Strategic Aerospace Acquisition. Impact: Loral's acquisition strategy sent ripples through the corporate world, leading to the creation of 'Executive Hat Juggling' seminars—because who wouldn't want to learn how to multitask like a circus performer?. Fact: Corporate mergers are like bad relationships; they often end with one party feeling betrayed and the other left with a bunch of hats they didn't ask for..
• Headline: BUSINESS PEOPLE; South Bronx Job Proves Fruitful for Terex Chief. Impact: Randolph W. Lenz's South Bronx job success likely inspired countless motivational quotes about hard work. Thanks to him, 'If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere' became a thing. Yawn.. Fact: Surprisingly, the toughest school isn't always the Marine Corps; sometimes it's just surviving a family dinner without losing your sanity..