MARCH 1, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reynolds' Smokeless Cigarette Test Halted. Impact: The failure of the 'smokeless' cigarette led to a butterfly effect where people began to realize that nicotine addiction can't be engineered out of their lives. This sparked a wave of anti-smoking campaigns and forced tobacco companies to pivot towards marketing e-cigarettes. The result? A future where hipsters vape in coffee shops while pretending it’s healthier. Thanks, RJ Reynolds!. Fact: Did you know that 'smokeless' cigarettes were just a fancy way of saying 'we still want you addicted, but we don’t want to smell your bad choices'?.
• Headline: Police Use Lasers to Catch Speeders. Impact: The introduction of lasers for speed enforcement led to an increase in road rage incidents, as drivers started to see police as futuristic space ninjas. This ultimately resulted in a new reality TV show called 'Speeders vs. Lasers: The Showdown', where contestants try to outrun the cops while dressed as superheroes.. Fact: Did you know that before lasers, police used good old-fashioned radar? It turns out, people are more likely to slow down when they think they're being clocked by a device that sounds like it was invented by an alien..