FEBRUARY 5, 1989

Full News Archive

• Headline: County Center Hosts Annual Model Airplane Show. Impact: This model airplane show led to a worldwide obsession with tiny flying objects, eventually resulting in the drone invasion of 2023. Who would have thought that a bunch of hobbyists would pave the way for your neighbor to spy on you while you're in your backyard?. Fact: Did you know that model airplanes were originally just a way for people to avoid actual flying? Turns out, avoiding heights is a hobby too!.
• Headline: Exploring Viewpoints in Art Installation. Impact: This essay on viewpoint sparked a revolution in how art is perceived. Who knew that one artist's installation could lead to the rise of social media influencers claiming to be 'art critics'?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more subjective than art is the opinion of someone who just finished their first art history class..
• Headline: Grumman's Ambitious Space Robotics Initiative. Impact: Grumman's pursuit of space robots has led to the eventual creation of a robotic overlord that now runs for president every election cycle. Thanks for that, Grumman!. Fact: Did you know that robots in space were originally intended to help humans? Now they just help themselves to our jobs and dreams!.
• Headline: Ski Resorts Seeking New Image. Impact: The New Jersey ski resorts' quest for a new image led directly to the trend of winter sports enthusiasts taking selfies on chair lifts, thus ruining the very essence of winter tranquility.. Fact: Did you know that skiing is one of the few sports where you can pay to fall down the side of a mountain? What a deal!.
• Headline: Town Finding Solution on Ex-Patients. Impact: The town's solution for ex-patients eventually inspired a new reality show, 'Housemates of Ocean Grove', proving that reality TV truly has no limits, even in matters of dignity.. Fact: Did you know that deinstitutionalization was initially intended to help people? Now it just means they get to enjoy the drama of reality television instead!.
• Headline: DINING OUT; Home-Style Fare in Bronxville. Impact: The rise of home-style fare in Bronxville led to a culinary phenomenon where people now believe they can replicate gourmet meals from their microwaves. Thanks, Pondfield!. Fact: Did you know that 'home-style' food is just a fancy way of saying, 'I forgot to put any effort into this meal'?.
• Headline: County Pursues Its Plan for Bus Garage. Impact: The plan for a new bus garage became the basis for a local conspiracy theory about the county preparing for an alien invasion via public transportation. Because, why not?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more exciting than a new bus garage is the thought of buses actually arriving on time? Now that's a historical milestone!.
• Headline: GARDENING; Gardening Near the Shore Is Different. Impact: The differences in gardening near the shore ignited a turf war between inland and coastal gardeners, eventually leading to the Great Vegetable Showdown of 2025. Lettuce pray for peace!. Fact: Did you know that gardening is just another way of saying, 'I enjoy talking to plants while they silently judge my life choices'?.