APRIL 24, 1988

Full News Archive

• Headline: Zola Budd: The Icon of Barefoot Running. Impact: Zola Budd's decision to run under the British flag inadvertently led to the rise of barefoot running as a trendy fitness craze in the '90s. Who knew that the struggle against apartheid would inspire countless hipsters to ditch their shoes for a jog?. Fact: Did you know that Zola Budd's barefoot running style became so iconic that people started running marathons in flip-flops? Because nothing says 'I love running' like blisters!.
• Headline: Liza Minnelli's Grand County Center Opening. Impact: Liza Minnelli's opening night led to a brief moment where everyone thought they could sing and dance like her, culminating in a series of disastrous karaoke nights that ruined friendships across the nation.. Fact: Did you know that Liza Minnelli once said she could open a show with a sneeze? Turns out, she was just being modest..
• Headline: Ex-Cameraman Donates One-of-a-Kind Films to Yale. Impact: Victor Cromwell’s films inspired a wave of nostalgia that led to the creation of countless documentaries about documentaries. The circle of life, folks, but with more hipsters.. Fact: Did you know that Yale now has a rare film collection? Just what every Ivy League institution needed—more old footage of people doing nothing!.
• Headline: With Too Much Festivity for a Week, State Celebrates Dance Month. Impact: New Jersey's Dance Month inadvertently caused a nationwide dance-off, leading to the invention of interpretive twerking as a legitimate art form. Who knew the Garden State would bloom into this chaos?. Fact: Did you know that 'Dance Month' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let’s pretend we’re all professional dancers for 30 days'? Spoiler: Most of us are not..
• Headline: Gas Spill Spurs Code Review. Impact: The gas spill led to a massive overhaul of environmental regulations, which in turn sparked a series of conspiracy theories about aliens being responsible for the spill. Because, of course, aliens would care about our pipelines.. Fact: Did you know that gas spills can lead to more than just environmental disasters? They can also spark the world's most boring dinner conversations..
• Headline: Airport Growth: Problems Amid Promise. Impact: The airport expansion controversy led to a nationwide debate on the merits of air travel versus teleportation, ultimately resulting in a significant drop in airline stocks as everyone daydreamed about instant travel.. Fact: Did you know that 'airport growth' is just corporate jargon for 'let's shove more planes in a space that was already too small'?.
• Headline: IN SEARCH OF FRAGRANT SPACES. Impact: The quest for fragrant gardens led to an unexpected rise in essential oils, turning half the population into amateur aromatherapists. Suddenly, everyone was an expert on lavender versus peppermint.. Fact: Did you know that smelling flowers can improve your mood? Unless they’re those awful plastic ones; then you just feel sad and confused..
• Headline: Kean Presses Plans to Promote Foreign Trade. Impact: The push for foreign trade sparked a series of trade agreements that would later inspire the 'World’s Worst Trade Deals' reality show, which was canceled after one season. Shocking, right?. Fact: Did you know that promoting foreign trade is just a fancy term for saying, 'Let’s sell our stuff to other countries and hope they like it more than we do'?.