APRIL 11, 1988

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rockville Centre Hospital Expansion Concerns. Impact: The cautiousness of the Rockville Centre Village Board led to a decade-long delay in the hospital's expansion, resulting in a severe shortage of beds during a mysterious 'flu shortage' in 1997. Coincidentally, the local conspiracy theorists had a field day claiming that the flu was an elaborate cover-up for a secret government experiment involving hospital bed shortages.. Fact: Did you know that the $33 million expansion could have bought approximately 3 million slices of pizza? But hey, who needs pizza when you can have a shiny new hospital wing?.
• Headline: Rockslide Response on the Thruway. Impact: The rockslide incident led to the creation of the 'Rock Cuts Awareness Month,' where citizens were encouraged to paint rocks in vibrant colors, inadvertently starting a trend that resulted in rock art festivals across the nation.. Fact: Did you know that the rockslide's unfortunate event led to a spike in rock collection hobbies among bored suburbanites? They’re still trying to figure out what to do with their newfound 'treasures.'.
• Headline: ANTIQUES; A Good Show That's Getting Even Better. Impact: The Northern New Jersey Antiques Show became so good that it inadvertently sparked a nationwide antiques craze, resulting in a sudden spike in the popularity of vintage teapots and a mysterious increase in PBS viewership.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing older than some of the antiques on display is the humor in this headline? Really, the show was 'good' before it became 'even better'—like a sequel to a bad movie nobody asked for..
• Headline: An Artist for the Masses. Impact: Kenneth E. Shotwell's artwork infiltrating hotels and soap operas marked the beginning of a bizarre new trend where hotel decor was critiqued in celebrity gossip magazines, creating a new breed of art critics who had never actually seen the art.. Fact: Did you know that if you’ve ever watched a soap opera, you’ve probably seen more of Shotwell's work than you have of your own family? Talk about an artist for the masses!.
• Headline: L.I. Economy Turns Cautious. Impact: The cautious turn in the L.I. economy led to a series of 'economic caution seminars,' where local officials attempted to teach residents to be less optimistic, inadvertently creating a local culture of pessimism that is still being felt today.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more cautious than the Long Island economy is a cat trying to decide if it wants to jump off the table? Spoiler: it usually doesn’t..
• Headline: Civil Rights Reunion. Impact: The civil rights reunion sparked a revival of activism, leading to the creation of 'Freedom Rides 2.0,' where participants rode around in brightly colored buses, inadvertently reviving 60s fashion trends in the process.. Fact: Did you know that reunions are just an excuse for people to reminisce about how hard it was to change the world while wearing bell-bottoms and platform shoes?.