MARCH 1, 1988

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lobbying's Influence on Political Leadership. Impact: Webb's resignation sparked a lobbyist arms race, leading to a future where lobbyists could potentially become more influential than elected officials. In a twist, this led to the first-ever Lobbyist Olympics in 2025, where participants competed in 'Fast Talk,' 'Bureaucratic Judo,' and 'Budgetary Bait and Switch.'. Fact: Did you know that lobbying is so prevalent that if you stacked all the lobbyists in Washington, D.C. on top of each other, they’d create a very confused human pyramid? No one would know who’s on top..
• Headline: BUSINESS PEOPLE; Roper Chief to Add Title In Whirlpool Purchase. Impact: Cook’s dual role at Roper and Whirlpool led to a strange new corporate culture where kitchen appliances started giving motivational speeches at board meetings. This eventually led to the rise of the 'Appliance Whisperer,' a lucrative career for those who could decode the deep thoughts of blenders and toasters.. Fact: Did you know that the Whirlpool Corporation is not actually a whirlpool? It’s just a giant company that makes appliances. Who knew? I always thought my washing machine was a hidden water park..