FEBRUARY 21, 1988

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring African Sculptural Art Forms. Impact: The exhibition of African art at Hofstra Museum inspired a wave of sculptural enthusiasm, leading to the rise of an underground sculpting society that eventually replaced all traffic lights with abstract sculptures of cats. The world now struggles with cat-shaped traffic jams.. Fact: Did you know that if we had all the creativity from this exhibition, we might have skipped over the invention of the traffic cone entirely?.
• Headline: Spring Lecture Series: Arts and Science. Impact: This lecture series sparked an academic renaissance, ultimately resulting in the establishment of the Intergalactic College of Arts, where students now major in Quantum Interpretive Dance.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think art is confusing now, just wait until the dance majors start using wormholes as a stage!.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: This nod to Black History Month led to a resurgence in historical accuracy, resulting in a timeline where every American president now has a statue made of chocolate. The chocolate melted in summer, leading to a sticky situation.. Fact: Fun fact: Chocolate statues are surprisingly less controversial than actual statues of some presidents!.
• Headline: BREEZES OF CHANGE WAFTING THROUGH LAWRENCEVILLE. Impact: The winds of change at Lawrenceville School prompted an unexpected trend where traditional preparatory schools began offering courses on 'Modern Day Survival' involving TikTok dances and avocado toast making.. Fact: You know things are changing when the only thing 'traditional' about a school is the outdated curriculum!.
• Headline: COMMUNITIES PRESS CABLE-ROUTE FIGHT. Impact: This cable-route fight led to a nationwide movement against all things electric, resulting in communities forming 'Anti-Cord Clubs' where they sat in candlelight arguing about the merits of using quills versus pens.. Fact: Did you know that before the anti-cord movement began, many communities had never experienced the joys of candlelit debates?.
• Headline: COUNTY SEEKS TO REGAIN WOODFIELD COTTAGE AID. Impact: The push to regain funding for Woodfield Cottage resulted in a nationwide campaign to raise awareness for juvenile offenders, inadvertently leading to the rise of the world’s first 'Get Out of Jail Free' card that is actually honored everywhere—except Monopoly.. Fact: Fun fact: Getting funding for juvenile facilities is easier than getting a refund on your last online shopping spree!.
• Headline: AN EARLY PEEK AT SPRING IN MID-WINTER. Impact: The educational exhibits at the greenhouse led to the creation of the first botanical virtual reality experience, causing a generation to confuse real flowers with VR flowers, resulting in mass confusion at flower shops.. Fact: Did you know that if you water virtual flowers, they still won’t grow? Just like my hopes for a productive Monday!.
• Headline: BIG OIL SPILL STIRS WATER SAFETY FEARS. Impact: The oil spill prompted a global awareness about water safety, leading to the invention of a water-scented perfume that ironically made people smell like a polluted lake, causing an increase in bottled water sales.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing worse than a big oil spill? Trying to sell 'Eau de Lake' at a fancy perfume store!.
• Headline: YUPPIES FLEE THE MADDING CROWDS. Impact: The yuppies fleeing the crowds spawned a chain reaction of urban flight, leading to a future where cities are simply ghost towns inhabited by raccoons who now run for mayor.. Fact: Did you know that raccoons are surprisingly good at public speaking? Their trash-collecting skills give them a leg up on most politicians!.