FEBRUARY 14, 1988

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring the Underground Railroad's Legacy. Impact: Kay Amory-Moshier's memories inspired a whole generation of underground enthusiasts, leading to the rise of hipster coffee shops disguised as former Underground Railroad stations. Who knew history could brew such strong coffee?. Fact: The ‘crazy-looking’ cabinets were actually for storing the secrets of the universe—or just old church records, but we prefer the former!.
• Headline: Two Literary Lions' Dens. Impact: This literary discussion spurred a revolution where every coffee shop became a 'literary landscape' complete with overpriced lattes and existential dread, proving yet again that pretentiousness in art knows no bounds.. Fact: If you ever hear someone use 'landscape' in a literary context, it’s usually a sign they’ve never actually read the book in question..
• Headline: State Aide Offers Advice on Joining a Health Club. Impact: James J. Barry Jr.'s health club advice inadvertently led to a fitness craze where people used their gym memberships as a status symbol rather than for actual exercise, resulting in a dramatic increase in 'gym selfies.'. Fact: The best advice you can get about joining a gym is to just save your money and invest in a comfortable couch instead..
• Headline: NEW BRITAIN TO ALLOW ANONYMOUS AIDS TESTS. Impact: The decision to allow anonymous AIDS testing led to a wave of paranoia in New Britain, where everyone suddenly thought they had AIDS and started wearing tinfoil hats for protection.. Fact: Anonymous testing is great, but nothing beats the awkwardness of having to explain to your doctor why you’re not just Googling your symptoms instead..
• Headline: SECURITY PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL GAMES. Impact: The security issues at school games resulted in a nationwide initiative to replace all sports with knitting competitions, where the only risk is a paper cut.. Fact: High school sports are great and all, but nothing beats the thrill of watching someone knit a sweater at a game—just kidding, that’s not thrilling at all..
• Headline: TEEN-AGERS HELP PUPILS AND ADULTS TO READ. Impact: Violet Brache’s efforts led to an unexpected surge in adult literacy rates, which in turn created a generation of people who could finally read the terms and conditions they agreed to without a second thought.. Fact: Teaching adults to read is a noble cause, especially when you realize how many of them still don’t understand how to use a self-checkout machine properly..
• Headline: Embattled Yonkers Mayor: A Tumultuous First Few Weeks in Office. Impact: Mayor Wasicsko's tumultuous start set the stage for future mayors to realize that being young and ambitious often means navigating a minefield of political chaos—because nothing says 'experience' like a good old-fashioned scandal.. Fact: Being a young politician is like being the captain of a sinking ship; you can steer all you want, but at some point, you have to accept that it’s going down..