DECEMBER 18, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cronyn Shines in 'Batteries'. Impact: If aliens had truly been involved in helping brownstone residents, we might have inadvertently sparked a new intergalactic real estate boom. Imagine Martians deciding to invest in New York property—talk about a housing crisis!. Fact: Did you know that 'Batteries' was actually a metaphor for how we keep recharging our hopes, much like the film's plot? Or maybe it was just a really long ad for Duracell..
• Headline: Flexible Packaging's Rapid Growth in Food Sector. Impact: The surge in flexible packaging could have led to an alternate universe where everything is wrapped in eco-friendly materials, and we live in a utopia where plastic straws are a myth. Alas, we opted for convenience—and here we are.. Fact: If only the container industry knew how to package their excitement, maybe they'd grow at 15% in enthusiasm instead of just revenue..
• Headline: Woody Allen's September Film Release. Impact: Woody Allen's 'September' could have turned into a cult classic, sparking a trend of endless whining films that led to an entire genre dedicated to existential dread. Welcome to the 'Whine and Dine' film festival!. Fact: Fun fact: This film is a perfect representation of how some people view autumn—beautiful on the outside, but filled with a lot of complaints about the changing leaves..
• Headline: Film: Bill Cosby's 'Leonard Part 6'. Impact: In a parallel universe, 'Leonard Part 6' became a beloved classic, inspiring a generation of secret agents who all slipped on banana peels while saving the day. They’d be the laughingstock of heroism.. Fact: Did you know that 'Leonard Part 6' was so awful it could have been used as a psychological weapon? Forget waterboarding; just show your enemies this film!.
• Headline: Film: 'Ironweed,' From Hector Babenco. Impact: Hector Babenco's 'Ironweed' might have inspired a new movement of gritty realism in films, leading to a decade where every movie focused on the life of a derelict. Spoiler alert: they all end with a sad song.. Fact: This film is based on a novel, and yet, it feels like they left the book on a subway seat, and a screenwriter picked it up without reading the ending..