NOVEMBER 29, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Unsafe Playgrounds Get Safety Overhaul. Impact: The transformation of these playgrounds sparked a national movement where every playground became a mini Fort Knox. Kids now grow up with an inflated sense of safety but a lack of real-world risk assessment skills.. Fact: Ironically, the most dangerous thing on a playground is still the parents trying to keep their kids from climbing too high..
• Headline: SUSPENDED PUPILS FIND A PAL IN P.A.L.. Impact: This program, aimed at misbehaving children, eventually gave rise to the 'cool kids' who, instead of getting suspended, started a club where they planned elaborate pranks that would lead to more chaos in schools across the nation.. Fact: Suspension might just be the best way to guarantee that kids learn absolutely nothing about consequences—except how to plan better for next time..
• Headline: NEW BROADER LOOK AT ANTIQUES SHOW. Impact: As people became fascinated with antiques and the stories behind them, a new trend in reality TV emerged, where contestants would fight over dusty relics while dramatically gasping at their 'historical significance.' Spoiler alert: it wasn’t that significant.. Fact: Antiques are just old stuff that hasn't yet been thrown away. So really, they're just like us, but with way more history..
• Headline: OPPONENTS VOW TO BLOCK AIRPORT TERMINAL. Impact: This opposition led to a series of public debates that spiraled into a national pastime of arguing over what constitutes 'progress,' ultimately resulting in a new reality show titled 'Airport Wars: Terminal Tensions.'. Fact: Blocking a terminal expansion is basically like trying to stop a toddler from running towards a candy store—good luck with that!.
• Headline: NUTCRACKER ROLES OFFER PARENTING. Impact: The rise of parents performing in 'The Nutcracker' led to an unexpected influx of 'stage parents,' giving birth to a new generation of children who believe that every holiday should include a dramatic performance, complete with costumes and melodrama.. Fact: Nutcracker roles are the adult equivalent of dressing up for Halloween, but with less candy and more unsolicited advice from your fellow dancers..
• Headline: FAMILY AGENCY SEEKS LARGER ROLE. Impact: The push for a larger role for family agencies inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of family therapy, leading to a generation that communicates their feelings through interpretive dance and awkward family meetings.. Fact: The only thing more complex than family dynamics is trying to organize a family reunion without it devolving into chaos..
• Headline: KEAN'S CLEAN-OCEAN PLAN A RETURN TO BASICS. Impact: Governor Kean's plan led to an increase in ocean-themed awareness campaigns, which inadvertently resulted in an annual 'Trash the Ocean' festival where participants dress as fish and pick up litter while singing sea shanties.. Fact: Ocean clean-up efforts are essentially the adult version of picking up your room, but with a lot more plastic and a lot less motivation..