NOVEMBER 15, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Homeless Rates Spark Controversy at Howard Johnson's. Impact: If only Howard Johnson had known that their motel rates for the homeless would inspire a new reality show called 'Motel Makeover: Homeless Edition,' perhaps they would have charged double. Fast forward to today, and now every overpriced hotel offers a 'homeless-friendly' package—complete with scented candles!. Fact: Howard Johnson once had over 1,000 restaurants and motels. Now, they’re more of a relic than a reliable place to crash. Talk about a fall from grace!.
• Headline: Some Houseplants Like It Cool. Impact: As houseplants struggled to thrive, a secret society of plant parents emerged, leading to the creation of a black market for resilient succulents. Today, plant parents are now more competitive than Olympic athletes, ready to throw down over the last pothos.. Fact: If you think your houseplants are dying, just remember: they might be plotting their escape. It's a jungle out there, even in your living room!.
• Headline: ART GRANTS ON THE RISE. Impact: With increased arts funding, future generations became so cultured they started painting their walls with fine art instead of beige. This led to a nationwide trend of overpriced 'artisanal' wall paint—thank you, New Jersey.. Fact: New Jersey is known for its arts funding, but let’s be real: it’s also the state where you can find more diners than art galleries. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: DEVELOPERS CATER TO THE AFFLUENT ELDERLY. Impact: As developers catered to affluent elderly, the 'Golden Years' became synonymous with luxurious retirement condos. In 50 years, we'll see reality shows featuring seniors battling it out in 'Real Housewives of Retirement Communities.'. Fact: Developers catering to the affluent elderly is a sign of the times, but let's face it: luxury apartments are just like regular apartments—just with a pool and a 24/7 café that serves overpriced kale smoothies..
• Headline: WITH STORIES, BRINGING BOOKS TO BABIES. Impact: The introduction of storytelling to babies led to a surge in literacy rates among toddlers, eventually creating a world where kids are fluent in five languages before they hit kindergarten. The only downside? Parents now have to keep up!. Fact: Reading to babies is so effective that some parents have started competing to see who can introduce Shakespeare first. Because, you know, nothing says 'baby genius' like a toddler reciting Hamlet..
• Headline: INVESTING; Steel Mini-Mill at a Scrap Price. Impact: The boom in mini-mills transformed the steel industry, leading to a world where 'scrap prices' became the new gold standard. In a few decades, we’ll be reminiscing about the good ol' days when steel was cheap and everything didn’t have a 'premium price tag.'. Fact: Mini-mills are like the hipsters of the steel industry—small, efficient, and convinced they can do everything better than the big guys. Just don’t let them brew their own steel!.
• Headline: SHAPING THE FUTURE OF OLD ESTATES ON L.I.. Impact: As landowners struggled to hold onto their estates, this initiated the Great Land Grab of the 21st century. Now, everyone wants a piece of that sweet, sweet real estate pie—especially with the rise of tiny homes and the absurdity of the housing market.. Fact: Landowners are getting creative, turning their dormant land into 'experiential farms' where you can pay to pick your own organic vegetables. Because who wouldn't pay to do farm chores on their day off?.
• Headline: YALE HELPS COUPLES FIND GENE DEFECTS. Impact: Yale's efforts in helping couples find gene defects paved the way for genetic testing to become a common topic at dinner parties. Now, everyone can debate the ethical implications of designer babies while pretending to enjoy their kale salads.. Fact: Genetic testing used to be the stuff of sci-fi novels, but now it's as routine as checking for gluten. Just wait until we start getting genetic profiles on our Tinder dates!.