NOVEMBER 8, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Winter Migration of Long Island's Birds. Impact: As Long Islanders fled south for warm beaches, local tanning salons went bankrupt. This sparked a nationwide skincare revolution, leading to the invention of the SPF 5000 sunscreen that became a fashion staple in 2020.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Go west, young man,' was actually a suggestion for avoiding New York winters? Apparently, no one told Horace Greeley about the Caribbean..
• Headline: BRIDGEPORT PUPILS DIAL FOR SCHOOL HELP. Impact: The introduction of homework hotlines led to a national phenomenon where children began dialing psychic hotlines instead, mistakenly thinking they were the same thing.. Fact: Did you know that latchkey kids are basically the original remote workers? Who needs Zoom when you have a phone and a pile of homework?.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND FOLLOW-UP. Impact: By closing the observing sites, amateur astronomers were forced into a life of conspiracy theories about alien abductions, which eventually resulted in a minor cult that believed the moon landing was staged—on Long Island.. Fact: Did you know that closing observing sites during winter is like shutting down ski slopes in July? Because clearly, nocturnal astronomy is a summer sport..
• Headline: SONO MERCHANTS ARE STILL WAITING FOR PROSPERITY. Impact: The frustration of Sono merchants sparked a chain reaction of retail therapy that led to the creation of 'Retail Revolution,' a documentary series about the struggles of small business owners that aired for exactly one season.. Fact: Did you know that 'waiting for prosperity' is basically the local motto for small businesses everywhere? It’s like the pessimistic cousin of 'live, laugh, love.'.
• Headline: NUCLEAR PLANTS SEEK IMPROVEMENT. Impact: The quest for improvement at nuclear plants inspired a worldwide campaign for better management, which accidentally led to the revival of the Tupperware party—because nothing says 'safety' like microwaved leftovers in a plastic container.. Fact: Did you know that Tupperware parties were originally designed to distract people from nuclear plant safety issues? Surprise!.
• Headline: Please Don't Disturb the Leviathans. Impact: The concern for whale populations led to the establishment of 'Whale Watching Wednesdays,' which ironically caused more stress to whales than actual tourism did.. Fact: Did you know that humpback whales are the original influencers? They’ve been performing for an audience long before social media was even a thing!.
• Headline: HOW PLANTS COMPARE. Impact: The unfavorable comparison of nuclear plants prompted an underground movement of plant enthusiasts to promote houseplants as the new 'green energy' solution, which somehow ended in a cactus shortage.. Fact: Did you know that comparing plants is like comparing apples and oranges? Except in this case, it's more like comparing radioactive waste to ferns..
• Headline: PARKWAY PROPOSAL DRAWS OPPOSITION. Impact: The opposition to the parkway proposal inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of community activism, eventually leading to the establishment of 'Parks for All'—which ironically included a lot of people who just wanted to park their cars.. Fact: Did you know that community opposition is just a euphemism for a bunch of people arguing about traffic? It's basically the local version of reality TV..