SEPTEMBER 13, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Islip Park's Future Under Debate. Impact: The disagreement over the park sparked a decade-long feud that led to the creation of the world's first 'Park Protection League', which ironically had less impact on parks and more on local coffee shops, as members spent more time sipping lattes than saving trees.. Fact: Did you know that parks are basically nature's way of saying, 'Hey, take a break from your screens!'? Too bad that message got lost in the community drama..
• Headline: Torrington Police Combat AIDS Exposure Risks. Impact: The police's response to AIDS led to the creation of a whole new fashion trend: 'Crime-fighting Couture'. Unfortunately, it never caught on because who wants to wear a bodysuit while trying to catch criminals?. Fact: Did you know that wearing a full bodysuit can actually increase your chances of slipping on a banana peel? Just a fun fact for aspiring superhero cops!.
• Headline: Incumbents Secure Their Political Footing. Impact: The stronghold of incumbents created a political dynasty in which everyone named 'Audrey' was automatically elected, leading to a bizarre sitcom called 'The Audreys of Islip'.. Fact: Did you know that being an incumbent is like having a VIP pass to the political party? Good luck getting in without that badge!.
• Headline: HOMEOWNER GROUPS PURSUE TAX RELIEF. Impact: The relentless pursuit of tax relief led to the formation of a secret society of homeowners who, ironically, ended up spending more on fancy lawyer fees than they saved in taxes.. Fact: Did you know that homeowners' associations are just like reality TV shows? Full of drama, unexpected twists, and a lot of people you wish were not your neighbors..
• Headline: GARDENING; KEEPING FIRE BLIGHT FROM ORCHARDS. Impact: The fight against fire blight contributed to the rise of an underground orchard protection agency that offered dubious advice on how to combat it, such as chanting to your trees every full moon.. Fact: Did you know that fire blight sounds like the name of a punk rock band? 'Live from the orchard, it’s Fire Blight!'.
• Headline: GETTING TO WORK BY FERRY. Impact: The ferry commuting boom led to an unexpected rise in ferry fashion, with commuters creating a new trend of 'ferry chic'—a look that was entirely impractical but made for great Instagram posts.. Fact: Did you know that commuting by ferry is just a fancy way of saying 'I enjoy being late to work while pretending to be on a mini-vacation'?.
• Headline: ROAD PLAN GETS MIXED REVIEWS. Impact: The mixed reviews of the road plan led to an annual event called 'Route 25A Appreciation Day', where people celebrated the road by driving really slowly and taking selfies.. Fact: Did you know that road widening is just another term for 'let’s make it easier for you to be stuck in traffic!'? Who doesn’t want that?.