AUGUST 30, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding County Archives with Carmicheal. Impact: If archivists hadn’t been so busy saving baby pictures, we might have lost vital historical insights about County Executive Andrew P. O'Rourke's hairstyle choices, leading to a cultural shift where mullets were never fully embraced.. Fact: Did you know that baby pictures are actually the secret to understanding the future? Yes, just ask any toddler with a crayon..
• Headline: Connecticut Unites Against Bork's Nomination. Impact: The opposition to Judge Robert H. Bork paved the way for countless political activists to hone their skills in ineffective letter writing, ultimately resulting in the rise of over 20 different petition websites no one visits anymore.. Fact: Did you know that 'Bork' is now a verb? It means to be overly scrutinized by your neighbors for having unpopular opinions..
• Headline: TRANSIT NOTES. Impact: This noise study birthed a new sub-genre of music: 'Jetliner Chill,' which became the soundtrack for suburban life and led to the rise of artists who only create in airplane hangars.. Fact: Did you know that jet noise is the new white noise? One day, people will pay a premium for the soothing sounds of takeoffs and landings..
• Headline: SPEAKING PERSONALLY; HOW SWEET IT WAS -- AND IS. Impact: This shopping incident sparked a nationwide quest for the ultimate supermarket experience—a quest that led to the birth of gourmet grocery stores, where kale chips cost more than your last meal.. Fact: Did you know that 'how sweet it was' is often a euphemism for 'I just paid way too much for artisan pickles'?.
• Headline: Yonkers Offers Four-Year Fiscal Plan. Impact: Yonkers' financial turnaround inspired a wave of cities to declare bankruptcy, only to discover that the only thing they could file for was a Netflix subscription.. Fact: Did you know that financial plans are just like diets? Everyone has one until they see a donut..
• Headline: DINING OUT; A DISCOVERY IN WALLINGTON. Impact: The discovery of this restaurant set off a chain reaction of food bloggers declaring themselves 'foodies,' leading to an explosion of overpriced avocado toast and a society that now believes anything is gourmet if you add truffle oil.. Fact: Did you know that 'hole in the wall' is restaurant code for 'expect to pay a fortune for what could have been made at home'?.
• Headline: FOR NEW TEACHERS, EXCITEMENT IS INCREASING. Impact: The excitement of new teachers led to the creation of countless Pinterest boards dedicated to classroom decor, resulting in the downfall of education budgets everywhere as glitter and foam letters became essential supplies.. Fact: Did you know that the thrill of being a new teacher lasts until the first parent-teacher conference? Then it’s just thrill-a-minute chaos..
• Headline: GARDENING; How to Even Out the Moisture Supply. Impact: This gardening tip led to the rise of Instagram influencers who would later make millions by posting pictures of their plants, creating a world where succulents are held in higher regard than most politicians.. Fact: Did you know that plants can’t hear you talk about them? But if they could, they’d probably prefer compliments over your existential crisis..