AUGUST 23, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Conquering Weeds in Your Garden. Impact: The war against weeds resulted in the formation of the international 'Weed Liberation Front,' which has since been known to stage protests against lawn mowers, leading to a significant rise in hipster gardening trends. Now, we have vegan, gluten-free, organic weeds.. Fact: Did you know that weeds can grow faster than the plants you actually want? It’s like they have a personal vendetta against your hydrangeas..
• Headline: Remembering Christine M. Niedermeier's Impact. Impact: The emotional weight of Christine M. Niedermeier's loss sparked a nationwide trend of political sympathy cards, which led to a booming market for sappy stationery. Now, politicians send more cards than they actually make decisions.. Fact: Interestingly, Niedermeier's loss was so impactful that it inspired a series of 'How to Lose Politically' seminars that are wildly popular among aspiring politicians. Nothing like learning from the greats!.
• Headline: Along Montreux's Quay. Impact: The picturesque imagery of Montreux's Quay prompted an influx of tourists, leading to the establishment of a Montreux-themed coffee chain that serves overpriced lattes named after the local landmarks. Who knew a lake could inspire such a caffeine culture?. Fact: Did you know that the Castle of Chillon has been a popular tourist spot for centuries? It’s basically the original Instagram backdrop—no filters needed!.
• Headline: MUSIC; STATE OPERA HAS 5-YEAR EXPANSION PLAN. Impact: The five-year expansion plan of the New Jersey State Opera revitalized the local economy, inadvertently leading to the popularization of opera-themed drinking games. Who knew 'La Traviata' could pair so well with tequila?. Fact: Fun fact: The opera can be quite the crowd-pleaser, especially if you throw in a little drama—and by drama, I mean audience members throwing tomatoes at the high notes!.
• Headline: Congress Takes Up Labor's Cause. Impact: Congress's newfound interest in labor's cause set off a chain reaction of union enthusiasm, leading to the invention of the 'Labor Day Weekend'—a holiday solely dedicated to doing absolutely nothing while feeling slightly guilty about it.. Fact: Did you know that the labor movement has contributed to more coffee breaks in the workplace than any other initiative? Because what’s a movement without a good cup of joe?.
• Headline: A Lilco Takeover? L.I.P.A. Eyes Strategy. Impact: The potential take over of the Long Island Lighting Company sparked a debate on electric rates, which somehow resulted in a reality show about utility executives. Because nothing says entertainment like watching people decide how much your light bill should be!. Fact: Fun fact: Utility companies have more drama than reality TV stars. They just don’t have the cameras—yet..
• Headline: PEABODY MUSEUM PREPARES FOR DEINONYCHUS. Impact: The Peabody Museum's preparation for Deinonychus led to a resurgence in dinosaur-themed merchandise, which eventually resulted in the popularization of 'Jurassic Park' themed birthday parties for children. Nothing says fun like a velociraptor pinata!. Fact: Did you know that Deinonychus was known for its speed and agility? Too bad it didn’t have a good PR team to help it avoid extinction!.