JULY 12, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hotel Association on New Room Tax Negotiations. Impact: This room tax negotiation led to hotel owners secretly forming a shadowy alliance that later evolved into the secretive 'Lodging League,' responsible for the first-ever hotel-themed superhero movie. Who knew a tax could inspire such creativity?. Fact: Did you know that if hotel owners spent as much time improving their services as they do lobbying against taxes, we'd all be staying in palaces?.
• Headline: Growth of Generic Drug Industry on Long Island. Impact: The rise of generic drugs on Long Island caused a butterfly effect that led to the creation of a secret society of pharmacists who meet under the cover of night to discuss the best ways to undercut Big Pharma. Their motto? 'Why pay more when you can pay less?'. Fact: Fun fact: Generic drugs are like the pizza of the pharmaceutical world—everyone loves it, but no one cares who made it as long as it's cheap!.
• Headline: Explore Florence's Culinary Delights. Impact: This culinary journey inadvertently led to a worldwide surge in Instagram food posts, causing millions to think they are food critics when in reality, they just like taking pictures of their pasta.. Fact: Did you know that in Italy, if you don't take a picture of your food, it legally doesn't count as a meal? Just kidding, but it might as well be true!.
• Headline: GRANGE, INSURED, BRINGING BACK FAIR. Impact: The return of the Grange Fair sparked a renaissance of local fairs across the nation, ultimately leading to the creation of competitive sheep herding as an Olympic sport. Who knew agriculture could impact the world stage?. Fact: Fairs are the only place where it's socially acceptable to eat fried dough while contemplating your life choices. Welcome to America!.
• Headline: CAREFUL SHOPPER. Impact: This sale led to an unprecedented increase in impulse buying, causing a global shortage of costume jewelry and the rise of black market bling. All hail the power of discount prices!. Fact: They say diamonds are a girl's best friend, but clearly, costume jewelry is the friend who shows up uninvited to your party and eats all your snacks..
• Headline: STARGAZERS ARE LOSING SITES AT STATE PARKS. Impact: As state parks became less accessible for stargazers, a secret underground movement emerged, leading to the creation of 'Stargazers Anonymous'—a support group where members share their feelings about light pollution and the existential crisis of not seeing the Milky Way.. Fact: Astronomy enthusiasts are essentially the hipsters of the science world—they were into stars before it was cool, and now they’re just sad about it..
• Headline: SUFFOLK POLICE: REFORM PRESSURE GROWS. Impact: The pressure for police reform led to a nationwide movement inspiring sitcoms about police officers navigating bureaucracy. Thanks to this headline, we now have a generation of cops who can’t stop cracking jokes while solving crimes.. Fact: The only thing more complex than police reform is understanding the plot of a sitcom where the police actually solve crimes without making puns..
• Headline: MEDICARE ADVICE: ACCESS IS EASED. Impact: The easing of Medicare access sparked a rush of elderly individuals becoming tech-savvy, leading to a new wave of online influencers known as 'Granny Gamers.' Watch out, TikTok!. Fact: Medicare is like a maze designed by a sadistic game designer—fun for the whole family, as long as you can find your way out!.