JULY 5, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Antiques Auctions: A Timeless Treasure Hunt. Impact: After this article, a sudden surge in antique auctions led to an underground economy of secret bidding wars, where grandmas were spotted elbowing each other for a vintage teapot that turned out to be a mere knockoff. Who knew a teapot could cause such chaos?. Fact: Did you know that waiting for antiques to appreciate in value is just like waiting for your bread to rise? It requires patience, but in the end, you're just left with a loaf of stale disappointment..
• Headline: Support for Newark's Public Library. Impact: This headline sparked a movement where every library in America suddenly became a fortress of free knowledge, leading to an unexpected spike in trivia nights. Who knew that free access to books would lead to an explosion of 'Jeopardy!' contestants?. Fact: Fun fact: They say knowledge is power, but apparently the power of knowledge is just a library card and an overwhelming urge to avoid small talk..
• Headline: Dividing and Replanting Day Lilies & Irises. Impact: The decision to divide and replant day lilies set off a horticultural revolution that ultimately led to the invention of a new gardening reality show where contestants battle it out for the title of 'The Iris Whisperer.'. Fact: Did you know that gardening is just a fancy way of saying you enjoy digging in the dirt while trying to convince yourself that you're not just a glorified earthworm?.
• Headline: Adventure Tours For Kindred Spirits. Impact: This article inspired a whole generation of outdoor enthusiasts to embrace adventure tours, leading to an era where everyone believed they were a 'kindred spirit' with nature—until they realized they forgot to pack snacks.. Fact: Did you know that 'unspoiled wilderness' is just code for 'bring your bug spray and be prepared to get lost'?.
• Headline: 7 HOUSE CANDIDATES IN RUNOFF AS PARTIES LEAVE IT TO THE VOTERS. Impact: The runoff election led to a dramatic increase in political memes, transforming the political landscape into a battleground of witty captions and poorly photoshopped images of candidates. Who knew democracy could be so... meme-worthy?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more confusing than a runoff election is trying to explain it to your grandmother while she nods and asks about the weather..
• Headline: DINING OUT; A Taste of Italy in Old Cape May. Impact: This article sparked a culinary renaissance in Cape May, leading to a restaurant fad where chefs started combining bizarre ingredients like sea urchin and gummy bears to attract tourists. Bon appétit!. Fact: Did you know that dining out is just an excuse for people to pay exorbitant prices for food they could make at home, but without the hassle of washing the dishes?.
• Headline: HORSE-FARM FRAY NEARS RESOLUTION. Impact: The resolution of the horse farm dispute led to a new trend of zoning disputes over every type of farm, including an infamous case of a goat yoga studio that took the nation by storm. Who knew goats could do downward dog?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more stubborn than a horse is a zoning committee trying to decide if a goat can have a yoga studio. Spoiler: They can't..
• Headline: PUBLIC SCULPTURE RUFFLES EAST HAMPTON SCENE. Impact: The public sculpture controversy escalated into a nationwide debate over the meaning of art, leading to the creation of a new reality show called 'Sculpture Showdown' where contestants created absurd sculptures out of common household items.. Fact: Did you know that public art can spark more debates than a family Thanksgiving dinner? Just wait until someone brings up politics and art at the same time!.
• Headline: D.E.P. GETS $42 MILLION, BUT A CRISIS IS SEEN FOR '88. Impact: The D.E.P. budget crisis led to a dramatic increase in environmental protests, resulting in a movement where people started using recycled materials to build makeshift protest signs. Who knew cardboard could be so revolutionary?. Fact: Did you know that getting $42 million for environmental protection is like giving a kid a dollar and telling them to save the world? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: LILCO AND FOES HARDEN VIEWS ON CRISIS RESPONSE. Impact: The differing views on nuclear crisis responses led to a new genre of disaster movies where every character was a lighting company executive trying to survive an apocalypse. Hollywood's got to cash in on that fear somehow!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing scarier than a nuclear power plant accident is the idea that someone might actually be in charge of it? Sleep tight!.