JUNE 14, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brood 10 Cicadas Emerge on Long Island. Impact: The return of the cicadas led to an underground cicada rave scene, where insects became the unlikely DJs of the summer, leading to a new genre of music called 'Cicada Beats' that took over the charts in 2035.. Fact: Cicadas spend 17 years underground and return to annoy humans for just a few weeks. Talk about a dramatic entrance! They must really love the spotlight… or the sound of their own wings..
• Headline: Oldtimer Boxing Advice Revealed. Impact: Bushy Brooks' boxing advice sparked a nationwide trend of old-timers giving unsolicited advice, causing a boom in podcasts titled 'Gramps Knows Best,' which ultimately led to the invention of the 'Advice Tablet' that nobody asked for.. Fact: Old-timers offering boxing advice is the equivalent of asking your grandpa how to use TikTok. Spoiler: Nobody’s throwing punches, but all the stories are heavy..
• Headline: NATURE WATCH; WHITE MARLIN. Impact: The obsession with the white marlin led to a bizarre sport called 'Marlin Watching,' where enthusiasts would dress in elaborate marlin costumes and attempt to outswim each other in local ponds, resulting in the first-ever pond Olympics.. Fact: The average white marlin weighs about 50 pounds. That’s right—just like your average gym buddy who keeps saying they’ll start working out but really just lifts their remote..
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: The fascination with Renaissance castles on Long Island prompted a bizarre trend of backyard castle-building competitions, where neighbors attempted to outdo each other, leading to an unexpected rise in local real estate values.. Fact: Long Island, where the past is always just a 'backyard renovation' away. Because nothing says 'I care about history' like a plastic castle in your garden..
• Headline: ALIEN AMNESTY OFF TO SLOW START. Impact: The slow start of alien amnesty led to aliens opening up food trucks, serving fusion cuisines that confused and delighted Long Islanders, resulting in a culinary revolution no one saw coming.. Fact: Alien amnesty is like your friend trying to get you to join a cult—sounds great until you realize you have to give up your Saturday nights. Welcome to the land of opportunity... if you’re not already from here!.
• Headline: AS AGIED INCREASE, STUDY INTENSIFIES. Impact: The surge in elderly population led to the emergence of 'Elderly Escape Rooms,' where participants must solve puzzles based on the quirks of aging, thus making geriatric research the new hot topic in entertainment.. Fact: Growing elderly populations mean more wisdom, but it also means more 'back in my day' stories. Buckle up; it’s going to be a long ride down memory lane!.
• Headline: INDIAN USES ART TO RECAPTURE HIS ROOTS. Impact: David Bunn Siklos’ artistic endeavors sparked a trend of multi-ethnic identity art shows, leading to an explosion of galleries where the only requirement was to have a hyphenated name. Suddenly, everyone was a curator.. Fact: Being multi-ethnic is like having the ultimate buffet of identity—everyone wants a taste, but you still can’t please everyone. Good luck finding a label that fits!.