MAY 3, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate Over LILCO Takeover Heats Up. Impact: If the takeover actually happened, the Long Island Power Authority might have become the hip new energy provider, leading to an influx of artisanal energy sources. Imagine hipsters powering their laptops with solar panels shaped like vinyl records.. Fact: In the grand scheme of things, the debate over power companies is just a fancy way of arguing about who gets to flip the switch..
• Headline: Addressing Long Island's Pollution Challenges. Impact: These pollution problems may have led to a secret society of environmental activists who exchanged ideas in underground bunkers, planning world domination... or at least a really good recycling program.. Fact: The only thing more persistent than pollution issues? The people who keep saying 'It’s not that bad.'.
• Headline: Cremona's Historic Music Festival Highlights. Impact: The festival helped solidify Cremona's reputation, leading to a global violin shortage by the 21st century when everyone decided they were a virtuoso after a few lessons on YouTube.. Fact: If you play a violin well enough, you might just convince people you're a genius. If not, you’ll just annoy your neighbors..
• Headline: HELPING WORKERS LEARN ENGLISH. Impact: This moment in English learning sparked a global trend of lunch wagons becoming the unofficial classrooms for workers, leading to a renaissance in fast-food linguistics.. Fact: Learning English over lunch? You might just learn the phrase ‘I’ll have fries with that’ in six different languages..
• Headline: MORE COMPANIES OFFER CHILD-CARE AS JOB INDUCEMENT. Impact: As more companies offered child-care, the corporate world secretly evolved into a daycare center where boardroom meetings were just elaborate playdates.. Fact: Child-care as a job perk? Because nothing says ‘I value your work’ quite like providing toys in the break room..
• Headline: HOMOSEXUALS CITE RISE IN HARASSMENT. Impact: The rise in harassment led to a global movement for allyship, resulting in the birth of countless hashtags and a few awkward conversations at family gatherings.. Fact: You know things are serious when even Twitter can’t handle the volume of tweets about intolerance..
• Headline: INVESTING; NEOAX EMERGES FROM OBSCURITY. Impact: Neoax’s obscure rebirth from bankruptcy may have inspired countless other companies to change names and become wildly successful, proving that sometimes, all you need is a good rebranding.. Fact: Bankruptcy is just a fancy way of saying, 'Oops, I did it again!'.
• Headline: 3 LG. RMS, 3D FLR WLKUP, NR PARK (NO CHILDREN). Impact: The push for legislation against discrimination in housing may have created a new generation of renters who become activists, leading to a reality show: 'House Hunters: Activist Edition.'. Fact: Legislation on rental discrimination? Talk about a plot twist that could rival any soap opera..
• Headline: FOR ARTISTS, A CAUSE WORTH THEIR WORK. Impact: The fight against the gas pipeline united artists and activists, leading to a series of protests that would be remembered as the 'Canvas Uprising.'. Fact: Nothing screams 'artistic integrity' quite like holding a sign while wearing a beret..
• Headline: HOUSE CLASH: CULTURE VS. PAST. Impact: The clash of culture and past at the Mercator Cooper house might have inspired future generations to argue about which historical figure deserves a Netflix biopic next.. Fact: The only thing more contentious than historical debates? Who gets the last piece of pizza..