APRIL 21, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ida Abelman's W.P.A. Memories. Impact: Ida Abelman's nostalgic trip down memory lane inadvertently inspires a new wave of artists to embrace government-funded art programs, leading to an art revolution in the 21st century. Little do they know, their masterpieces will end up decorating coffee shops and hipster apartments instead of museums.. Fact: W.P.A. stands for Works Progress Administration, not 'We Paint Awkwardly'—though that could have been a fitting alternative!.
• Headline: Mastering Soil for Gardening Success. Impact: The gardening community's obsession with soil preparation sets off a nationwide trend for soil-themed cafes, where patrons sip lattes while discussing the finer points of loamy textures. Who knew dirt could be so chic?. Fact: Without good soil, your plants might as well be on a diet—nutritionally deprived and looking for a miracle grow!.
• Headline: Improvements at Newark Airport's Taxiways. Impact: The $14 million spent on taxiway improvements at Newark Airport causes a butterfly effect, leading to an overabundance of taxiway selfies and social media influencers claiming they were 'just trying to get home.'. Fact: Flight delays are basically just a modern-day version of purgatory—you're stuck, there’s no escaping, and everyone’s praying for a miracle!.
• Headline: THE CAREFUL SHOPPER. Impact: Defender Industries' discounts spark a shopping frenzy that results in a global shortage of marine supplies. Soon, people are using inflatable pool toys as life rafts. Talk about a 'sinking' economy!. Fact: Shopping carefully can lead to savings, or at least that’s what they tell you while you’re elbow-deep in a clearance bin—good luck finding that 'careful' part!.
• Headline: GARDENING; SOIL IS A PREREQUISITE FOR SUCCESS. Impact: See above. Yes, it's so important it deserves a second mention—soil is basically the unsung hero of gardening. If only it could get a reality TV show!. Fact: If soil could talk, it would probably scream, 'Stop planting me with weeds!' But, alas, it remains silent while we make our gardening blunders..
• Headline: BAN ON A BOAT PAINT GAINS ON EAST END. Impact: The environmentalists’ victory against toxic boat paint leads to a renaissance in eco-friendly products, inspiring a generation of DIY enthusiasts to paint their boats with organic kale juice. Because nothing says 'sea-worthy' like a vegetable!. Fact: Who knew that boat paint could be toxic? Next, we’ll find out that bubble gum is bad for your tires—what a world!.
• Headline: ART; 'MONUMENTAL TO MINIATURE' AT THE GALLERY IN HASTINGS. Impact: The exhibition's whimsical theme sparks an obsession with miniature art, leading to a worldwide craze for tiny sculptures. Soon, people are posting photos of their 'mini me' collections on social media, declaring them 'the next big thing.'. Fact: Miniatures are like the appetizers of the art world—cute and entirely too small to satisfy your appetite for actual art!.
• Headline: RUTGERS DEFENDS TUITION INCREASES. Impact: The tuition hike at Rutgers triggers an avalanche of student protests that eventually leads to the creation of a new degree in 'How to Survive Student Debt.' The irony, of course, is lost on everyone involved.. Fact: A 22% tuition increase means students will need to decide between a college degree or a lifetime supply of ramen noodles—what a time to be alive!.