APRIL 2, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gooden's Treatment Decision Following Cocaine Test. Impact: Dwight Gooden's stint in rehab led to a nationwide obsession with celebrity sobriety, inspiring countless '90s sitcoms and the phrase 'just say no'—because nothing screams responsible adult like a baseball player's drug problems.. Fact: Did you know that Dwight Gooden was once so good at pitching that people thought he was from another planet? Spoiler: he wasn't. But the drug use definitely sent him on a cosmic journey..
• Headline: Urban Piano Moving Challenges. Impact: The art of piano moving became a revered skill, leading to an underground movement of piano movers who secretly trained in ninja-like maneuvers, eventually forming the elite 'Piano Ninjas' guild that still operates today.. Fact: Did you know that moving a piano can burn more calories than a 5-mile run? That's right, tone those arms while risking a hernia and your sanity!.
• Headline: The Significance of 'HERS' in Literature. Impact: The purchase of an adverb sparked a linguistic revolution, leading to a global crisis where people started treating words as commodities, eventually resulting in a black market for adjectives and a shortage of verbs.. Fact: Did you know that adverbs were once considered the 'wild children' of grammar? They were the rebels of the English language, always modifying things and causing chaos..
• Headline: CO-OPS CAN BE MORE THAT JUST BUILDINGS. Impact: The proliferation of co-ops turned urban living into a high-stakes game of social chess, where neighbors now plot their moves over organic kale and artisanal coffee, effectively transforming the landscape of modern friendships into a sitcom-worthy drama.. Fact: Did you know that living in a co-op is basically like being in a reality show where everyone is trying to outdo each other with passive-aggressive notes? Who needs cable when you have the neighborhood drama?.