FEBRUARY 22, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Waste Bills Face Mixed Reception. Impact: If those waste bills had been taken seriously, we might have a world where garbage is a rare sight and raccoons need to find new hobbies. Instead, we’re still navigating through trash mountains and sending the environment back to the Stone Age.. Fact: New York City produces over 14 million tons of waste every year. That’s enough trash to fill the Empire State Building 16 times. Who knew a city could be so... productive?.
• Headline: Division Over Drug Treatment Facility. Impact: This division among Hamptons residents could have led to the birth of an underground drug-abuse treatment movement, with yoga mats and herbal teas instead of traditional methods. Maybe they’d be the trendsetters for ‘alternative’ rehabilitation.. Fact: The Hamptons are famous for their beaches and rich residents. Who knew that drug treatment facilities would become a hot topic? Guess money can’t buy you happiness or a drug-free community!.
• Headline: Reviving Bridgeport's Carousel Horses. Impact: The 'Adopt-a-Horse' plan could have inspired a nationwide campaign, leading to the revival of carousel culture. Suddenly, every town would have a carousel, and horse adoption rates would soar—unless the horses started adopting humans instead.. Fact: Carousels date back to the 12th century. So really, adopting a horse is just a modern twist on a medieval pastime. Who knew history could be so... merry-go-round?.
• Headline: WITH HOPES, STUDENTS PLAY JAI ALAI. Impact: If those students had become the next Jai Alai stars, we might have seen a resurgence of the sport, complete with Jai Alai-themed reality TV shows. Move over, athletes—this is the new realm of sports fame!. Fact: Jai Alai is often called the fastest sport on Earth. So, if those guys drop the ball, they might just shatter some glass windows—or the dreams of their athletic careers..
• Headline: DINING OUT; FLAVORS OF SOUTHWEST IN MT. KISCO. Impact: If Casa Miguel had succeeded in its culinary quest, we could be looking at a world where Tex-Mex is considered fine dining. Who wouldn't want to sip a margarita while discussing the intricacies of nacho presentation?. Fact: Tex-Mex cuisine is a fusion of Mexican and American flavors. It's basically the culinary equivalent of a high school dance—awkward but somehow magical!.
• Headline: FAITHS JOIN TO SHELTER HOMELESS. Impact: The collaboration of faiths to shelter the homeless could have sparked a nationwide movement of religious organizations hosting sleepovers for the needy, transforming houses of worship into cozy shelters. Everyone loves a good potluck!. Fact: It's estimated that over 650,000 people experience homelessness in the United States on any given night. So much for 'home is where the heart is'—let’s hope it can also be where the roof is!.
• Headline: COURT BLOCKS OPERAITON OF A NEW ASPHALT PLANT. Impact: The court blocking the asphalt plant could have led to a renaissance of eco-friendly paving alternatives, like grass or recycled rubber. Imagine a world where roads are green—literally!. Fact: Asphalt is one of the most recycled materials in the world. Let’s just hope they don’t start recycling bad decisions along with it!.
• Headline: GARDENING; UNPALATABLE PLANTS MAY DISCOURAGE DEER. Impact: If those unpalatable plants actually deterred deer, we might have seen a rise in bizarre gardening trends, with homeowners flaunting their strange plant choices like fashion statements. 'Oh, this? It’s a deer deterrent!'. Fact: Deer can eat up to 10 pounds of food a day. That’s one hungry herd! No wonder they’re constantly raiding gardens—it's a full-time job for them!.
• Headline: BABYLON MAY END BEACH-HOME LEASES. Impact: If Babylon had terminated those beach-home leases, it could have set a precedent across the nation, leading to a massive beach exodus and a rise in tiny home communities. Goodbye fancy beach houses, hello eco-friendly shacks!. Fact: Pollution can affect everything, even property values. Imagine losing your beach home over a few plastic straws—talk about a bad day at the beach!.
• Headline: AGENCY ROLES REVIEWED IN CHILD ABUSE. Impact: The struggle to return that girl to her parents could have ignited a nationwide campaign for child welfare reform, leading to a new era of social service accountability. Or it could have just resulted in more paperwork.. Fact: Child welfare agencies are often underfunded and overwhelmed. It’s like trying to run a marathon with a boulder—good luck with that!.