FEBRUARY 1, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Tax Reform on Business Loans. Impact: This tax reform causes a ripple effect of businesses getting creative with their financing, leading to the rise of crowdfunding. Eventually, a few entrepreneurs decide to fund their projects with bake sales, giving birth to the modern cupcake craze—because nothing says 'business savvy' like overpriced baked goods.. Fact: Want to know how to finance your dreams? Just hold a bake sale! Who needs banks when you can sell cookies for that new startup? It's the American way!.
• Headline: Nursing Homes Deny Care to AIDS Patients. Impact: This tragic decision leads to a public outcry that eventually results in the formation of numerous advocacy groups. These groups become pivotal in changing healthcare policies, laying the groundwork for future advancements in patient rights and the fight against stigma, ultimately changing the landscape of medical care for marginalized communities.. Fact: The stigma around AIDS in the 80s and 90s was so strong that it rivaled the plot twists of a daytime soap opera. It took brave advocates to rewrite the script of healthcare..
• Headline: STATE PLAN ON WASTE: SOLUTIONS UNCERTAIN. Impact: The uncertainty leads to years of bureaucratic delays that eventually result in the rise of DIY waste management solutions. This sparks a trend where people start composting in their backyards, leading to an organic gardening boom that confuses everyone who thought 'composting' was just a fancy term for 'smelly mess.'. Fact: Fun fact: People have been throwing trash since the dawn of time, but apparently, it's only a 'crisis' when it starts piling up next to the neighbor's pristine lawn!.
• Headline: CATERING TO THE PATRIOTIC. Impact: Bernadette's over-the-top patriotism inspires a new trend in themed merchandise, leading to the rise of so many flag-themed products that the U.S. flag becomes a fashion statement. Eventually, people are wearing flag-patterned everything, turning the Fourth of July into a runway show.. Fact: Did you know that patriotism can be measured in how many flag-themed items you own? It’s the new American Dream—one T-shirt at a time!.
• Headline: AIDING THE SEARCH FOR MARROW DONORS. Impact: The struggle for marrow donors sparks a nationwide awareness campaign, leading to swabs becoming the new trendy thing at parties. This newfound obsession with DNA leads to a reality show where contestants compete to see who can find the most compatible donor. Spoiler: no one's really interested in the winners.. Fact: Bone marrow donations are like the lottery—everyone wants a chance, but few are willing to actually do the work. But hey, at least the swabbing kits come with stickers!.
• Headline: THE TALK OF EAB PLAZA; A CITY UNDER GLASS. Impact: The development of EAB Plaza sparks a trend of urban development that prioritizes aesthetics over functionality. This leads to a generation of architects who design buildings that look great on Instagram but are utterly impractical for everyday use, resulting in a new movement called 'Instagram Architecture.'. Fact: EAB Plaza is proof that sometimes, it's more important to look good than to actually be functional. Because who needs practicality when you can have a glass façade that reflects all the poor decisions made in its design?.
• Headline: SCULPTOR EXPLORES SPATIAL MOVEMENT. Impact: Edith Kelman's exploration of spatial movement leads to a movement in modern art that inspires future generations of artists to create massive installations. This eventually causes art galleries to become the new playgrounds for hipsters, who take selfies with sculptures as if they're best friends.. Fact: Sculptors like Edith are just artists who decided that making things out of solid material is way more fun than painting. Plus, they get to play with sticks and ropes—who wouldn’t want that?.
• Headline: CUOMO ASSAILED ON AID TO SCHOOLS. Impact: Cuomo's criticism leads to a public outcry that brings education funding to the forefront of political discussions. This eventually results in a generation of students with more vocal advocacy skills, creating a future where politicians are terrified of making any educational cuts.. Fact: When it comes to education funding, nothing is more entertaining than watching politicians squirm when parents start showing up with pitchforks—figuratively, of course. But it does make for great TV!.
• Headline: GREENWICH WRITER, 61, TURNS TO FICTION. Impact: Martin Gross's fiction thriller introduces the idea of political satire into mainstream literature, paving the way for future authors to challenge the status quo. This inevitably leads to a wave of books about fictional presidents that are eerily similar to real-life figures, making readers question if they’re reading fiction or just the news.. Fact: Because nothing says 'I care about politics' like reading a fiction book where the president is a communist. Thanks, Martin Gross, for keeping us all on the edge of our seats with 'what ifs' that feel all too real!.