JANUARY 20, 1987

Full News Archive

• Headline: Transporting Reagan Post-Operation Briefing. Impact: Little did they know, Reagan's mobility issues would lead to a nationwide obsession with mobility scooters, ultimately inspiring the creation of scooters for pets. Thank you, President Reagan, for the fluffy scooters of 2045.. Fact: Reagan's prostate operation was so successful that it became a popular topic at dinner parties—because who doesn't want to discuss a president's health issues over a nice roast?.
• Headline: Metzenbaum's Cholesterol Disclosure Initiative. Impact: Metzenbaum's cholesterol bill would ignite a food revolution, causing the rise of 'cholesterol-free' everything, leading to an entire generation convinced that butter was the enemy—until they discovered avocado toast.. Fact: The cholesterol content disclosure was a game changer! People realized that reading labels was a skill—one that most still haven't mastered, but hey, at least they can pronounce quinoa now..
• Headline: WASHINGTON TALK: BRIEFING; Toward a Better Budget?. Impact: The League of Concerned Citizens' efforts to budget better than Congress would eventually inspire a reality TV show where citizens compete to create the best budget, leading to the eventual downfall of reality television as we know it.. Fact: Americans have proven time and again that they can outsmart politicians when it comes to budget proposals. Just look at the success of the 'if I were President' meme on social media—because what could possibly go wrong?.