DECEMBER 21, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Port Chester Schools Racial Balance Concerns. Impact: The debate over racial balance in schools led to a ripple effect where schools across the nation started to question their own diversity practices, resulting in an entire generation of students who now have a keen sense of social justice... or just really good debate skills.. Fact: The irony is that those asking the questions often graduated from schools that were as diverse as a bowl of plain oatmeal..
• Headline: Immigration Law Strains Detention Facilities. Impact: The overflow of illegal aliens in jail cells led to the creation of a new reality show, 'Locked Up and Overcrowded,' where contestants must escape from a crowded detention center while trying to avoid deportation. Ratings soared, obviously.. Fact: Fun fact: In a pinch, those illegal aliens can double as extra cast members for your next prison drama film..
• Headline: Yale Cancer Volunteer Hotline Launch. Impact: The volunteer hot line's sudden popularity led to an unexpected boom in telemarketing for health services. Now, if only they could find a way to market broccoli as a cure for cancer.. Fact: It's rumored that if you call the hot line enough times, you might get a free kale smoothie recipe..
• Headline: NEW IMMIGRATIONAL LAW STIRS FEAR. Impact: The new immigration law caused a massive wave of fear that rippled through communities, leading to a nationwide obsession with overthinking every interaction with someone who might have an accent.. Fact: It's said that the only thing scarier than the immigration law was the paperwork that came with it—an epic saga of forms and fine print..
• Headline: SUFFOLK LEGISLATURE TO VOTE ON POLYGRAPH BAN FOR EMPLOYEES UNDER 21. Impact: The polygraph ban for employees under 21 created a new generation of employees who learned to master the art of deception without the aid of a lie detector, paving the way for future politicians.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more unreliable than a polygraph is the promise of a politician during election season..
• Headline: INVESTING; HOW THE PROS WILL INVEST IN 1987. Impact: The differing investment strategies of professionals led to a future where everyone thinks they're a stock market guru, resulting in a generation of day traders who can't even balance their checkbooks.. Fact: It's said that for every professional investor, there's at least one friend who insists on giving unsolicited stock tips based on astrology..
• Headline: SLUDGE PLAN LIKELY TO MEET OPPOSITION. Impact: The opposition to the sludge plan inadvertently sparked a nationwide campaign for better sewage management, which led to an odd trend of people bragging about their local sewage treatment facilities.. Fact: If you think sewage isn't a hot topic, you clearly haven't been to a sewage treatment plant tour—it's quite the 'toilet' humor experience..
• Headline: A TOUCH OF THE MEDITERRANEAN IN NEWARK. Impact: The Mediterranean touch in Newark revitalized urban design, inspiring other cities to adopt bizarre themes, such as 'The Great Wall of Gritty Concrete' in Philadelphia.. Fact: Ironically, the dilapidated look of the theater was achieved through a professional artistic technique known as 'not enough budget to fix it.'.