DECEMBER 14, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Singer's SSMC Faces Investor Challenges. Impact: The Singer Company's sewing machine spinoff eventually transforms into the world’s largest manufacturer of overly complicated fabric-related gadgets, leading to a shortage of simple sewing kits and causing an underground revolution among DIY enthusiasts. Fact: Sewing machines were once considered the pinnacle of home technology, right up there with the microwave and the VHS player. How far we've come!.
• Headline: ASSESSING WAYS TO MAKE TEACHING MORE ATTRACTIVE. Impact: If teachers had actually started earning $60,000 a year, they would have been able to afford avocado toast and artisanal coffee, drastically increasing the GDP of hipster cafes everywhere and leading to the rise of the 'Teacher’s Latte'—a drink that never quite catches on. Fact: Imagine a world where teachers are treated like rock stars. They’d probably still have to deal with the same amount of paperwork, though.
• Headline: NEW DISPUTE ON PINE BARRENS. Impact: This environmental dispute ignites a chain reaction of protests that leads to the invention of eco-friendly building materials made from recycled pine needles, which then become the go-to aesthetic for hipster homes everywhere, causing a global shortage of artisanal pine cones. Fact: The Pine Barrens are so named because they are home to the infamous Jersey Devil, who, it turns out, just wanted a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle of urban living.
• Headline: L.I.R.R. MOVES TO KEEP ROLLING THROUGH WINTER MONTHS. Impact: The Long Island Rail Road's 10-minute delays become an urban legend, sparking a cult of LIRR riders who bond over their shared struggles, resulting in a best-selling memoir titled 'Waiting for the Train: A Love Story.'. Fact: Riding the LIRR during the winter is basically a rite of passage for New Yorkers. It builds character... or at least a solid collection of complaints.