DECEMBER 12, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Screening of 'Golden Child'. Impact: In an alternate timeline, if Eddie Murphy had never starred in this film, the entire genre of 'kidnapping comedies' might have been avoided, sparing future generations from the trauma of mixing humor with serious topics like abduction. Chaos theory suggests that somewhere, a future comedian is still trying to find their niche.. Fact: Did you know that Eddie Murphy was once considered for the role of the Golden Child, but then they realized he was too busy redefining comedy for the next decade? Who knew saving a child could be so entertaining?.
• Headline: Henley's 'Crimes of the Heart' Film Screening. Impact: This film's quirky portrayal of Southern sisters led to a surge in Southern Gothic literature. Consequently, an entire generation of hipsters began wearing straw hats and claiming to have 'deep Southern roots' despite being from New Jersey.. Fact: Fun fact: If you squint hard enough, you can watch this film and pretend it’s just a really long episode of a reality show about dysfunctional families. Spoiler alert: everyone loses the plot..
• Headline: Comedy Classic: Three Amigos Screening. Impact: This film inadvertently inspired a wave of aspiring comedians to don sombreros and form overly enthusiastic improv troupes. Fast forward a few decades, and we find ourselves with countless awkward open mic nights in every small town across America.. Fact: Did you know that 'Three Amigos' was originally intended to be a serious drama about friendship? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that have been a twist? Watching Steve Martin cry over his lost amigos would have been a sight..
• Headline: THE SCREEN: 'CHILDREN'. Impact: The lackluster reception of this film led to the establishment of a film critic guild dedicated to preserving the sacred art of truly terrible cinema. This guild now awards the 'Golden Hogwash' every year, ensuring that mediocrity is forever remembered.. Fact: If you want to see a real thriller, just watch the reactions of people who thought they were going to see a decent film. Their disappointment could fuel an entire Netflix series on human emotions..
• Headline: SCREEN: 'CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH'. Impact: This film's bizarre premise of honor students turning into punks may have led future generations to believe that education is best achieved through radioactive waste. Consequently, we now have an alarming rise in DIY nuclear science courses for teens.. Fact: Did you know this film was actually a documentary about high school life in the '80s? If you think that’s a stretch, just wait until you hear the stories from the actual honor students..