JULY 6, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Montauk Lighthouse Museum Agreement Finalized. Impact: Transforming the Montauk Lighthouse into a museum inadvertently led to an influx of hipsters who mistook it for a trendy photo op location. Now, every summer, tourists flock there to ‘capture the essence of maritime history’ while sipping overpriced lattes. Fact: Did you know that lighthouse keepers used to live in isolation? Nowadays, they’d probably start a podcast about solitude and get a million followers.
• Headline: GARDENING; TAWNY DAYLILIES: BEAUTIFUL SURVIVORS. Impact: The tawny daylilies' survival against all odds inspired a global movement of resilient plants, culminating in the annual ‘Most Tenacious Plant’ competition. Spoiler: they always win, leaving the other plants feeling inadequate. Fact: Did you know that daylilies can bloom for just one day? Talk about an existential crisis for plants—'Why even bother?'.
• Headline: THE IMMIGRANT EXPERIENCE; ITALY TO EASTCHESTER. Impact: Crescenzio DeLucia's immigrant story became the blueprint for countless Hollywood dramas, leading to the creation of a genre where every character has to overcome some ridiculous obstacle like finding a parking space in New York City. Fact: Did you know that Ellis Island processed over 12 million immigrants? So if you ever feel overwhelmed in a crowded city, just remember—you’re not alone; it’s just the whole world trying to find a new home.
• Headline: NEW JETTY MAY EASE THE DANGERS BOATMEN FACE IN BARNEGAT INLET. Impact: The construction of a new jetty not only saved lives but also triggered a sudden spike in fishing-related reality shows, all based on the premise that the ocean is a dangerous place and fishermen are the ultimate risk-takers. Spoiler alert: they are not. Fact: Did you know that the average person has a higher chance of being struck by lightning than a fisherman having a bad day? Yet here we are, glorifying the latter.
• Headline: THE WAY OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN: CREATING 'LIVING HISTORIES'. Impact: The revival of American Indian histories through ‘living histories’ inspired a wave of reenactments, leading to an alarming number of people dressing up as historical figures for absolutely no reason. The line between education and cosplay grew dangerously thin. Fact: Did you know that some historians argue that the true history of American Indians is often overshadowed by cowboy movies? Apparently, cowboys always win in the end, even in history.
• Headline: THE IMMIGRANT EXPERIENCE. Impact: The immigrant experience in Westchester County inspired a series of cooking shows that featured ‘cultural fusion’ dishes, leading to the birth of the ‘Sushi Taco’ and other culinary abominations. Thanks for that, Crescenzio!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'melting pot' was popularized in the early 20th century? Nowadays, it’s more of a ‘cultural microwave’—quickly heating everything up until it’s unrecognizable.
• Headline: DINING OUT; COLONIAL SETTING OFF THE TACONIC. Impact: Le Chambord’s dining experience inadvertently led to a rise in Instagram food photography, where every plate is styled to perfection and nobody actually eats—just snaps and uploads. Welcome to the age of the ‘influencer’ dining experience!. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends approximately 10 minutes taking photos of their food? Meanwhile, the food is just sitting there, getting cold and judging you.
• Headline: THE OTHER JEFFERSON HOUSE. Impact: The discovery of Jefferson's Poplar Forest led to a renewed interest in hidden historical gems, sparking an avalanche of ‘secret’ tours that ultimately turned into a hipster's paradise of obscure knowledge. Because who doesn’t want to know about a less popular historical figure?. Fact: Did you know that Monticello is a UNESCO World Heritage Site? Poplar Forest, on the other hand, is still waiting for its Instagram moment.