JUNE 11, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lee May Jr.'s Aspirations in Baseball. Impact: Lee May Jr.'s obsession with power hitters inspired a generation of baseball players to focus more on home runs than actual skill. This led to the invention of the 'swing-for-the-fences' philosophy, resulting in a decrease in batting averages and an increase in fans wondering why they paid to watch strikeouts.. Fact: Lee May Sr. once hit a home run so far that it convinced a young boy somewhere that he could also achieve greatness, completely ignoring his lack of talent and training..
• Headline: Spring Fever Among Chicago's Youth. Impact: This mass spring fever among Chicago high school boys spawned a nationwide epidemic of skipping school to play video games and binge-watch sitcoms. Thus, the modern phenomenon of 'mental health days' was born, leading to a generation of adults who claim they 'work better under pressure' but actually just play Candy Crush.. Fact: Spring fever is scientifically proven to be a phenomenon where kids suddenly develop a strong aversion to school and an inexplicable urge to daydream about summer vacations..
• Headline: Insightful Film on Uruguayan Prison Conditions. Impact: The release of this film inadvertently sparked international conversations about human rights, leading to a decade of awkward dinner party discussions where everyone pretended to know about Uruguay. Who knew a movie about a jail could make people feel so guilty about their Netflix choices?. Fact: The political prisoners in the film were so used to being surveilled, they started performing for the cameras, turning their plight into the most avant-garde reality show no one wanted to watch..