MARCH 9, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Long Island Youth Music Showcase. Impact: By promoting the importance of music practice, these youthful players might just spark a global movement where everyone suddenly thinks they can become the next Mozart. Next thing you know, the world is flooded with 'musical prodigies' but only a handful can actually carry a tune. Thanks, Long Island!. Fact: Did you know that practice doesn’t make perfect? It just makes you less terrible. But keep on strumming!.
• Headline: Celebrating Women's Legacy in Englewood. Impact: The celebration of Women's History Week likely led to a series of events causing countless people to feel empowered. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to a global shortage of excuses for not knowing basic history. Sorry, history teachers!. Fact: Did you know that the first Women's History Month was celebrated in the U.S. in 1987? So, what were we doing before then? Just ignoring half of history, I guess!.
• Headline: THE LIVELY ARTS; A SCIENTIST UPDATES 'OTHELLO'. Impact: Mirta's struggle between science and art might have sparked a new genre of performance art where scientists recite Shakespeare while conducting experiments. We could have been witnessing the birth of 'Shakespearean Chemistry'—thankfully, that never caught on.. Fact: Did you know that Othello's original audience probably never imagined that it would one day be updated by a scientist? Just goes to show how far we've come... or not..
• Headline: MUSIC; ORPHEUS GROUP IN MONTCLAIR. Impact: The Orpheus Orchestra's headless nature could inspire future orchestras to perform without conductors entirely, leading to a world where musicians are free to interpret music as they see fit—resulting in spontaneous jazz-fusion renditions of classical masterpieces. Imagine the chaos!. Fact: Did you know that being 'headless' is only a problem if you're an orchestra? In politics, it might just be the solution!.
• Headline: A FAMOUS TRAVELER MARKS ANNIVERSARY WITH A TRIP. Impact: Eugene Fodor’s trip could have set off a chain reaction in travel journalism, leading to influencers everywhere spilling their top-secret vacation spots, which eventually results in such overcrowding that we all end up in a dystopian future where solitude is the new luxury. Who knew a travel writer could doom us all?. Fact: Did you know that Fodor's travel guides are so popular they could probably rival a best-selling novel? Who wouldn’t want to read about the best places to eat in obscure countries?.
• Headline: IN CANADA, A LAND BEYOND ROADS. Impact: Churchill, Manitoba, being a land beyond roads may lead to a future where people abandon cars altogether and start traveling by whale migration patterns. Just imagine the traffic jams on the Hudson Bay! Sounds like a fun way to get to work.. Fact: Did you know Churchill is known as the 'Polar Bear Capital of the World'? So, if you ever wanted to get mauled by a bear while birdwatching, this is the place to be!.
• Headline: THE CAREFUL SHOPPER. Impact: The price drop at Swim Outlet could lead to an unexpected surge in the 'swimming is the new yoga' trend, resulting in an influx of beach bodies that flood social media—because who doesn’t want to see more selfies from the local beach?. Fact: Did you know that swimming is an excellent full-body workout? Just don’t forget your sunscreen, or you might end up looking like a lobster instead of a beach babe!.
• Headline: PERSONAL FINANCE; SELLING YOUR HOME WITHOUT AN AGENT. Impact: Brad Holbrook's attempt to sell his apartment without an agent might inspire a whole new generation of DIY real estate moguls who think they can sell their homes just by posting on social media. Cue the real estate apocalypse!. Fact: Did you know that selling a home without an agent is like playing poker without knowing the rules? Good luck with that, Brad!.