FEBRUARY 9, 1986

Full News Archive

• Headline: Winter Fruits: Nature's Seasonal Decor. Impact: This article sparked a renaissance of winter gardening, leading to an underground society of gardeners who believe they can summon winter through decorative fruits. Who knew apples could wield such power?. Fact: Did you know that if you leave a fruit on the tree long enough, it might just come back to haunt you next winter? Ghost apples, anyone?.
• Headline: Commission Begins Addressing Homelessness Issues. Impact: The establishment of this commission inadvertently led to a nationwide trend of creating commissions for everything under the sun, including a 'Commission on Commissions' that only met to discuss how to form more commissions.. Fact: Did you know that more people have been appointed to commissions in the last decade than there are actual solutions to homelessness? Quite the paradox!.
• Headline: Turnpike Widening: Environmental Insights Revealed. Impact: The turnpike widening project turned into a colossal debate, leading to the invention of the 'Turnpike Traffic Dance', where drivers engage in interpretive dance while stuck in traffic. It's a hit in suburban New Jersey!. Fact: Did you know that for every lane added to a highway, three new lanes of traffic are born? It's like the highway's way of saying, 'You can't get rid of me that easily!'.
• Headline: L.I.E. BERM SOUGHT AT ISLANDIA. Impact: The battle over the berm led to an escalation of homeowner activism, which eventually inspired a reality TV show called 'Berm Wars', where homeowners compete to build the most extravagant barriers against traffic noise.. Fact: Did you know that the average homeowner's complaint about noise is directly proportional to how close they are to the highway? Science at its finest!.
• Headline: THE CAREFUL SHOPPER. Impact: The rise of the careful shopper led to the creation of a new Olympic sport: Extreme Couponing. Competitors now battle it out for the best discounts, with sponsors like 'Buy One Get One Free' backing them.. Fact: Did you know that shopping can actually burn calories? So yes, you can technically call binge shopping a workout. Who needs a gym?.
• Headline: NATURE WATCH; MINKE WHALE. Impact: The fascination with the minke whale led to a decade-long campaign to adopt and name every minke in the ocean. The results? A plethora of whales named after celebrities, causing confusion in whale communication.. Fact: Did you know that minke whales can be so elusive that they often get mistaken for large fish? Talk about an identity crisis!.
• Headline: FILM RECALLS SOUTH AFRICA'S PLIGHT. Impact: This film reignited global awareness of South Africa's struggles, eventually leading to a wave of artistic expressions worldwide, from paintings to interpretive dance, all trying to capture the essence of 'plight'... and failing miserably.. Fact: Did you know that films about social issues often make more money than romantic comedies? Apparently, people love a good sob story more than they love happy endings!.
• Headline: LONG ISLAND GUIDE. Impact: The Minnewaska Chamber Players' bold decision to include jazz led to an unexpected fusion genre: Classical Jazz, which baffled music critics and left audiences wondering if they were at a concert or a funeral.. Fact: Did you know that when classical musicians try to play jazz, it’s like watching a cat trying to swim? It’s entertaining, but it’s also a little tragic..
• Headline: KEAN: 'NO CUTS' IN BUDGET. Impact: Governor Kean's budget promise turned into a tale as old as time—politicians promising no cuts while secretly hiding a treasure map of 'creative funding' that leads straight to the Land of Overdraft.. Fact: Did you know that most budget speeches are just politicians trying to sound smart while using the word 'synergy' as a filler? It's practically an art form!.
• Headline: SOUTH JERSEY GETS HIGH-TECH ALLIANCE. Impact: The creation of this high-tech alliance led to an influx of tech startups, which ultimately resulted in a bizarre trend of tech companies offering services to help you 'tech your life'—because who knew we needed help to breathe?. Fact: Did you know that high-tech alliances are just fancy ways of saying, 'Let’s all get together and hope someone else does the work?' Collaboration at its finest!.